The world is arranged in such a way that some people talk too much, without stopping for a second, while others in society cannot squeeze out even a word. What is it connected with? The inability to express one's thoughts, maintain a conversation and conquer interlocutors with the filigree of a syllable depends primarily on complexes and self-doubt, and not on a lack of intelligence, as many believe. However, continue to close in on yourself, calming the soul with the dubious “I don’t like to communicate with people and I won’t!” not worth it by any means. Even erudite people who have a rich inner world, who have read more than one hundred books and are distinguished by remarkable intellect, may experience difficulties in communication.

The word is one of the most powerful weapons of man.

The ability to communicate and influence people with the power of words is considered the golden quality of modern man. Without correctly constructed phrases, you will not be able to conclude a contract, make a banal congratulation at a wedding, win the heart of a girl, not to mention the fact that many promising professions will not be available to you. In the beginning was the word, and it always will be.

"Every thought, expressed in words, is a force whose action is infinite." These are the words of Leo Tolstoy, once again proving that one must learn and be able to communicate with people. People who know how to masterfully handle the word are everyone's favorites, all doors are open for them, it is much easier for them to build a career and achieve their goal. Their secret is that they know how to communicate with people, they know where, when and what to say, where to remain silent, and where to argue. However, they do not have any extrasensory abilities and developed intuition. Everyone can master the art of communication - there would be a desire.

Secrets of a fruitful conversation

The basic principle of communication with people is based on the mirror rule: "As you treat others, so they treat you." Your rudeness will cause a backlash, inattention will be paid in kind, and harsh gestures, jerky speech and a habit of interrupting will make you one of the most unpleasant interlocutors.

So, how to communicate with people correctly? The most important components of the right conversation are:

• politeness;
• interest;
• interest;
• Attention;
• moderate gestures;
• leisurely and calm speech;
• sensitivity and responsiveness;
• listening skills.

As you can see, nothing supernatural! No need to memorize jokes and long tirades, no need to show tricks in order to be appreciated, just elementary politeness - and the interlocutor is favorable to you!

Consider 10 basic rules of communication, having mastered which, you will become one of the most pleasant interlocutors.

Smiling is another secret weapon in the arsenal of remedies that have a beneficial effect on people. After all, who would like to talk to a person whose face has a lifeless, detached expression? The same can be said about a person who constantly smiles - they can take him for an abnormal person. The main thing in a conversation is to strike a balance. It is polite to smile from time to time, but not to laugh inappropriately, especially at the moment when they tell you about their problems, but also not to laugh through force - the made laughter is noticeable from a mile away.

When communicating, try to look the interlocutor in the eye, continuing to maintain a polite interest on your face, even when the topic of conversation is not at all interesting to you. People do not like those who look at the floor or to the side - this indicates either the dishonesty of the interlocutor, or his bad upbringing. Follow these two rules, and soon the problem of how to communicate with people will be irrelevant for you.

Moderate gesticulation

In the psychology of communication, along with a smile, gestures are no less important. Try not to make sudden movements during a conversation and not fuss, giving the impression of a nervous person. And even more so, do not knock your cell phone on the table, do not drum your fingers, do not look at yourself in the mirror and do not paint your lips. The interlocutor, at best, will consider that you are bored, and at worst, they will form an opinion about you as an ill-mannered and impolite person.

All people, without exception, welcome slow, gentle gestures, open postures (no crossed arms) and palms. At the same time, observe the widespread method of “mirroring”: imperceptibly repeat the gestures of the interlocutor and position yourself in his pose. The method works flawlessly - a person on a subconscious level will feel some unity with you, and then sympathy.

I do not know how to communicate with people, or How to start a conversation

Have there been situations with you when you just needed to start a conversation, but you didn’t know how to start it, with what words and on what topic? In such cases, choose any universally secular topics, such as weather, news, work, people around, cars. If you are aware of the interlocutor's interests and hobbies, the best move is to ask him a question from this area, and then ask him to enlighten you. Communication will be provided to you!

If you are in an unfamiliar society, it is better not to enter into a conversation until you are imbued with a “common spirit” and understand what people are interested in. To do this, just listen carefully to each speaker. Your position as a listener, combined with well-directed clarifying remarks, will be appreciated, because everyone loves to talk, but only a few know how to listen.

Don't interrupt

This is perhaps the main principle of any conversation, on which the ability to communicate with people is built. Unnecessary remarks, translation of the conversation into one's own person, impatience, not the desire to listen, but the desire to speak out, while brazenly interrupting the speaker, will not be pleasant to anyone. Such behavior will soon disperse your social circle, for selfishness, dominance and lack of sensitivity in conversation characterize you as an extremely unpleasant interlocutor.

Listening is what everyone needs

Ask the Right Questions

However, silently listening to the interlocutor, having managed not to utter a word for his entire monologue, is also not the best option. Ask him questions from time to time, showing your interest and letting him know that you enjoy talking with him and listening to him. Try not to overdo it with questions, otherwise the conversation will smoothly flow into the framework of an interrogation. For those who find it difficult to communicate with people, you can begin to deal with complexes with this particular method. In this case, questions can be something like: “Yes? Really? What happened next? Yah! Is it true? What are you? What's next?" In this case, the conversation is not recommended:

• criticize the profession of the interlocutor;
• unceremoniously interested in his income;
• confuse his name;
• load it with your problems;
• show excessive familiarity (clap on the shoulder, shake, grab a button, etc.);

• enter into an argument;
• show his superiority in every way.
• to be arrogant and arrogant, according to the principle “I don’t communicate with anyone, but I condescended to you (la), so be happy”;
• Don't admit you're wrong, even though it's obvious.

Try to communicate with everyone in a friendly, polite manner, avoiding slang and familiarity. Do not complain to everyone in a row about your unfortunate fate, low-paid job, despotic boss, traitor friends. You will be listened to once, a second time, but on the third time they will be avoided, as you have a bad habit of sowing negativity. If you are open, optimistic and responsive in communication, the doors to any society will open before you.

Control negative emotions

How to learn to communicate with people and make long-term acquaintances? To do this, first of all, you should work on yourself, on those qualities of character that prevent you from winning over people.

The ability to communicate with people is a special kind of art that also needs to be worked on. This means that a person should be able to admit his mistakes and try not to make them in the future, as well as control negative emotions.

Expand your horizons

In order for you to be in the eyes of people not only an ordinary listener, but also a person with whom it is pleasant and interesting to talk, actively expand your horizons. Read books, be interested in news, events, people. Agree, a conversation with an erudite interlocutor is much more entertaining than with a person who cannot even connect two words. For a fruitful and exciting conversation, not only the rules of conduct are important, but also what you can give to the other side, whether you will be able to understand your interlocutor and keep up the conversation on a particular topic. After all, a comprehensively developed person knows how to communicate with people correctly, knows how to quickly adapt to a conversation and quickly finds a common language with people.

Speak clearly and distinctly

To learn how to communicate - communicate!

Many people, feeling awkward and embarrassed when talking, try not to talk to anyone, thereby further aggravating their situation. A person who avoids communication will never become a good conversationalist! You will learn how to have a casual conversation only in the case of active communication. Put aside your "I'm afraid to talk to people" complex and start talking. No one requires you to have a fiery speech by a leader, an exciting story by a speaker, a persuasive monologue by an advertiser, you can start by simply asking questions, talking on familiar topics and listening. Remember, the more you communicate, the faster you will learn the basics of communication. At the same time, you do not need to complicate your life by reading literature on this topic, studying hundreds of sources on the Internet and carefully preparing every word. You just need to communicate, regularly practicing skills with different people.

Talk to sellers in the market, in the supermarket and boutiques, communicate with colleagues and acquaintances. Each conversation, each new meeting will become a brick in your experience and will help increase your self-confidence. Record your monologue on video and watch facial expressions, gestures, speech. It will immediately become clear to you what you need to work on and what your advantage is. Practice and remember that the power of the word is great, multifaceted and can have a powerful impact on your life.

We hope that we have given exhaustive answers to the question of how to learn to communicate with people.

Communication is an integral part of human life. Every day we come into contact with a lot of people - at home, with work colleagues, business partners, friends, as well as with complete strangers - in the store, subway and just on the street. It is very important that it is pleasant for both interlocutors, as well as productive. After all, what is its main goal? That's right, the mutual exchange of information, thoughts, feelings and emotions. It is worth emphasizing the word “mutual”, that is, each of the interlocutors must be understood and heard by the other, otherwise resentment, misunderstanding, and ultimately quarrels may arise in the future. That is why each of us simply needs to know the rules of communication with people. What it is, what they are - we will talk about this in this article, so read carefully, the information will certainly come in handy.

Let's talk?

Psychologists say that the rules for communicating with people are a kind of unwritten code. He helps to become an excellent conversationalist, whose opinion is always listened to and who is always a welcome guest in any home. also very important during business negotiations with partners. Yes, and in ordinary life it will not hurt. A person who knows the rules of communication with people and applies them in practice always has many good friends and acquaintances, he is always welcome.

Down with embarrassment!

But what to do if you absolutely do not know how to communicate with others? Whenever you try to talk to a person, you get fear, you start to stutter, or you completely forget what you wanted to say. Does it happen? Then listen to our simple advice. First of all, remember the first and most important rule: you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of other people. You can communicate with every person on an equal footing. Ask him questions, ask for help or share information. Communication is a completely natural process for every person, so drop your complexes and start communicating. You will see that it is easy. And now we will tell you 5 rules of communication with people. In fact, there are many more, but we will highlight the most basic ones.

Rules for communication between people

So, if you want to be a good conversationalist:

Strangers can become friends

There are situations when you need to communicate with complete strangers. You have come to a party hosted by a friend. You are just joining a new team at school or work. There can be many such situations. Therefore, you should remember the rules for communicating with strangers:

Remember that the above rules for communicating with people are easy, however, they will help you in your daily life while talking to everyone. Don't forget to put them into practice!

I've been postponing an important work call for half an hour now. There are more pressing matters all the time. But deep down, I know that the reason is different: I am terribly afraid to communicate with people, especially with strangers, especially with bosses and officials. I just don't know how to overcome the fear of people, I don't know how to learn to communicate with people calmly.

I don’t remember exactly when I started to feel fear of communication. Probably since she began to turn into a clumsy teenager. In transport, it began to seem to me that everyone was looking only at me and seeing right through me. Under their gaze, I shrank all over, my head went into my shoulders, my breath caught. Just talking to people was a feat. How to learn if at this moment the head stops thinking and you become completely numb? I started avoiding public transport.

I did not participate in any school play or holiday, although I really wanted to. My arms and legs went numb, the text of the role evaporated from my head. I stood paralyzed in front of a hundred eyes aimed at me and understood that this was the end, that from now on everyone would despise me and point the finger: “There is the one who swallowed her tongue! Ha ha ha!"

Where did it come from - this fear of communicating with people?

Do you think I did not look for the reasons for this fear of people? Still looking for. I reviewed a lot of courses on communicating with people on the Web. It's unbearable - to live like this, in constant tension, denying yourself the joy of going out into the street, going to a party, meeting a man. I'm afraid to communicate with men too. I'm all alone, "thanks" to my social phobia.

I went to a healer. She laid her hands on me and I felt relieved. But the fear of people always returned. I read many books on psychology and looked for reasons. I understood that in the past I had psychological trauma when people (they are animals!) Offended me. But this did not answer the question of how to get rid of the fear of communicating with people. I still couldn't push myself out of the house.

How to overcome the fear of communication? Training in system-vector psychology

I have already put an end to my life and firmly decided that I would meet old age alone. But then ... providence intervened in the person of my only close friend, who was fond of psychology.

- Have you heard about the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan? These are the newest and most advanced developments in the field of psychoanalysis. I listened to free lectures, there were more than 3000 people, and I was absolutely delighted! These are the best courses, you should definitely try to learn how to communicate, try it!

I seized on a new opportunity:

You will learn later that fear is the opposite of love. You will learn how you can change the nature of your emotions to a positive one, how you can learn to communicate interestingly with any person. And having discovered the potential of love in yourself, you will understand how bright, rich and full-blooded life can be. A life where there is simply no place for fear.

The article was written based on the materials of the training " System-Vector Psychology»

What is the difference between a pleasant and repulsive interlocutor? Is it all down to an inborn propensity to communicate? In fact, in 90% of cases it is not talent that saves, but resourcefulness, self-discipline and continuous work on oneself. It's no secret: every detail is important - posture, facial expressions, gestures, tone. And if these components can be quickly mastered with the help of physical effort, literate speech will require something more. How to speak correctly and be a great storyteller?

Use verified data

Spreading gossip damages the reputation of a decent person. And gossip is considered any unverified or dubious information. To avoid embarrassing moments and not make yourself look bad, it is better to use only reliable facts in the story.

However, there are situations in which every detail is important, even the unlikely one. Then, in order not to mislead the opponent, sentences begin with phrases:

• “I'm not sure if this is true, but…”;
• “I heard such information from neighbors/acquaintances/passers-by, but I don’t know how true it is…”;
• “I don’t have a definite answer to this question, but there are several hypothetical versions…”;
• “I think so, but it is quite possible that I am mistaken. Double-check the information in reference books or with specialists.

In other words, these statements have only a conjectural, hypothetical connotation. The interlocutor clearly understands: the information may not correspond to the truth. However, the details will help find the answer, set the direction.

Arm yourself with arguments

This is about contentious issues. Even if the question has an irrefutable answer, the interlocutor may not know about it. In such situations, one cannot insult the opponent, laugh at him, accuse him of ignorance. It will also be useless to try to insist on an answer without proper argumentation. Therefore, the best way out will be a detailed explanation with the announcement or demonstration of evidence. They may be:

• results of scientific research;
• real life examples;
• material evidence - video or audio recordings, photographs, samples;
• authoritative literary sources - reference books, encyclopedias, textbooks;
• statistics, experiments, logical reasoning.

Maintain purity of speech

Fashion touched even colloquial speech. Therefore, words of foreign origin have become the norm. Sometimes they really come to the rescue, as they save time, help to briefly describe phenomena, objects that are difficult to translate into their native language in one phrase. However, sometimes these “linguistic foreigners” sound ridiculous.

“To demonstrate the fashion collection, we will visit a beauty center.”

“Team building will be held at the open air place.”

"No connection to cleaning worker."

How to explain to a person accustomed to normal speech that these sentences are talking about a fashion show, a corporate party and a cleaner? In order to avoid semantic errors and misunderstandings, it is better to use Russian analogues whenever possible.

Some more problems of the modern “fashionable” language- slang, jargon, deliberate abbreviation of words. The phrase “grandmothers are spinning like this” uttered by the financial director will not add respect or trust to him. And the words “hey, cool chick, don’t ho’ ride in a car?” are unlikely to help establish a healthy romantic relationship. Funny? Nevertheless, these are realities, to confirm them, it is enough to listen to the conversations of others. The result will be rather disastrous.

A huge ulcer on the body of speech is obscene language. It is most often used for three reasons:

• an attempt to attract attention, appear older, “join” the company (for teenagers);
• creating a comic or emotionally rich effect;
• expression of negative emotions.

And now it's time for a paradox: scientists have found that swearing is good for the body, as it helps to endure pain more easily. It turns out that “a sharp word” sometimes helps out? Perhaps, but not during a business meeting, communicating with a stranger, or as an insult. Therefore, one should not forget about the limits of decency.

Is it necessary to talk about illiterate speech? The rules of conjugation, declension, pronunciation exist for a reason. They show the level of upbringing, culture.

Pay attention to sound

The volume, timbre of the voice, clarity of pronunciation have a significant impact on the interlocutor and the audience. Equally important is the tone of the narrator. It is unacceptable for a well-mannered person to conduct a conversation in an arrogant, arrogant tone. You can not give your voice excessive instructiveness - this humiliates and offends the listener.

A good conversation is one in which the sound matches the situation.

When communicating with children, an emotionally bright, positive, cheerful tone is used. The defense of scientific work requires a neutral, narrative sound. Sellers of goods "for adults" lower their voice, speak slowly, often use semantic pauses.

What happens if you swap everything?

Will kids like the dryness of a research assistant? How will the audience of scientists react to the speaker's unusual voice - low, hoarse, with a slight breath? And what happens if a shy buyer suddenly stumbles upon a too loud and cheerful seller in a sex shop?

Establish contact with the interlocutor

During a conversation, it is important to make time for your opponent. Otherwise, you get only a boring, long monologue. One-time, because no one wants to meet with such a “talker” twice. A few rules for polite dialogue:

• show respect, call the interlocutor by name (name and patronymic);
• ask questions - simple and rhetorical;
• forget about monosyllabic or vague answers “yes”, “no”, “maybe”, “who knows”, “we'll see”;
• look at the interlocutor, do not ignore him, do not be distracted by trifles;
• keep a distance according to the level of proximity.

The conversation resembles ball passes: he spoke himself - pass the ball to another player. It is quite impolite to hold this ball in your hands for a good half an hour, and then go away with it without making a “pass”.

Find a balance between theme and digressions

Jokes, lyrical and philosophical digressions, reminiscences, secondary topics fuel interest in the conversation. But only if they do not ignore the main subject of the conversation.

A person comes to the clinic to find out the cost of services. He is not interested in when this hospital was founded, what kind of doctors work here and how many diplomas local nurses have. Yes, this is important information, and you can mention it, but after the announcement of the price list and without intrusiveness.

Avoid taboo topics

If the interlocutor is an unfamiliar person, it makes sense to limit the range of issues discussed. This will save you from awkward situations and conflicts. These topics include:

• religion;
• politics;
• attitude towards sexual minorities;
• diseases;
• any problems in the life of the interlocutor;
• intimate, personal matters;
• gossip, discussions with a negative bias.

You can talk about work, culture, hobbies, institutions, animals and so on. Discussion of topics from the list is permissible only with a loved one who inspires confidence and shows it in response. If a new acquaintance suddenly starts to touch upon an awkward topic himself, you can try to smoothly change the subject of conversation or directly, but politely declare your unwillingness to discuss this issue.

Tips on how to speak correctly may seem easy, but practice proves otherwise. To successfully apply them, you will have to learn self-control, develop mindfulness. A good interlocutor monitors his speech and the opponent's reaction at the same time. He always notices exactly when it is better to change the subject or stop the conversation altogether. Such skills require careful work on oneself. But it is they who serve as the calling card of a person with whom it is really pleasant to communicate.

And so, in order to properly talk with people, you need to smile, be interested in a person and be confident during a conversation.

This is the brief meaning of most trainings, books and articles on how to learn how to properly communicate with people. Already on the first lines, we saved you a lot of time.

Are these tips effective?

Of course not!

Dale Carnegie was, of course, right when he advised showing interest and respect for the interlocutor, without this, nowhere! But usually this strategy only works if you already know how to communicate with people, when you behave in a relaxed and natural way.

Well, what if you have jitters every time you communicate with a stranger, what if you just don’t feel like smiling or listening to your interlocutor for half an hour about his hobby, which you are not interested in?

In this article, we will look at how to deal with fear and discomfort when communicating with people, talk a little about Erickson's hypnosis and Eriscon spirals, and give an exercise that will help you train your talkativeness.

Fear of talking to people. How not to be shy to talk to people.

Perhaps you will be encouraged by the information that 70% of people are afraid to communicate with strangers.

In fact, whether a person is familiar or not, it does not matter, fear can easily arise when communicating with a person with whom you already know, what's the catch?

We are afraid of communication only if there is a betrayal of the meaning of this situation, if we feel some kind of responsibility or inflates ourselves ...

Let's say you are afraid to approach a person of the opposite sex, or you are approached to get to know you. A bunch of “automatic thoughts” begin to spin in the head, which quickly accelerate the autonomic nervous system, as a result of which we feel constrained. These thoughts like “how do I look”, “what will people think”, “what a cool girl (guy), how I would like to build a relationship with her (him).

Well, or let's say you are talking with a work colleague and start to feel awkward, in this case, the thoughts will be about the same “how do I look”, “what if I say some garbage now, bad talk will go about me” ...

There are only 2 ways to deal with any fear, these are:

• Get a positive experience

You are new to the company, at first it is difficult for you to communicate with colleagues, but later you realize that they are very nice people and you already communicate with them as with friends. This is because at first you do not know these people and do not know what to expect from them, but in the process it turns out that they are nice people, you get a POSITIVE EXPERIENCE with these people and the situation does not bother you anymore.

Therefore, the conclusion is that you need to train yourself in communicating with people and get a positive experience from this.

This is what is usually done in various trainings. During the day, you approach different representatives of the opposite sex 100 times and later you understand that there is nothing terrible here. Well, or you are doing a difficult task related to communicating with strangers and the experience “I am capable of this ...” is imprinted in your head.

However, the question arises, what if during the assignment I received only negative experience, what if I was shaking all over just at the thought that I would need to talk to a stranger?

We do not have the right to diagnose anyone, but perhaps your fear is more at the level of phobic disorders and panic attacks, it may be useful for you to read the article. It describes in detail the methods of working on oneself and tells what such disorders are.

• Downgrade

Here is a girl next to you that you are madly in love with, and you cannot squeeze out words from yourself. And now next to you is a girl who is indifferent to you and next to her you behave naturally.

This is what we have already talked about. In your mind there is an overestimation of the significance of this situation. You become a tightrope walker whose one mistake can mean death.

Significance to events increases from automatic thoughts. An event has just happened, and already a dozen such thoughts and associations have arisen in your head. You may not even notice them, but they are there, they are interconnected and carry patory installations.

In this situation, automatic thoughts may be: “here she is”, “how beautiful she is”, “she probably likes confident guys, I should seem confident”, “if only I don’t say bullshit”, “what if I’m dumb and someone else will see it, ”etc.

Automatic thoughts can be dealt with using the technique of their cognitive behavioral therapy, we described it in detail in the article. In fact, you need to learn how to catch these automatic thoughts, criticize them and change your attitudes.

An effective communication exercise

Well, let’s say you don’t have a fear of communicating with people, but somehow the conversation itself sticks hard.

Usually at this point, everyone starts to advise to read more books. Reading books is great, but in this matter it is ineffective.

When was the last time you saw people walking down the street and discussing the image of Eugene Onegin?

Read books if they interest you and on topics that interest you. And if you meet a person whose interests are the same as yours, then the conversation will go by itself, but for this you must be lucky.

Now we are talking about that communication when you seem to be talking about everything and nothing at once. When there is no subject of discussion, when it is easy and interesting, and topics for conversation arise on their own. To develop such skills, the delusion generator exercise can help us, which is easy to train at home, on the street or on the way to work.

Exercise delusion generator

In general, the delusion generator has a lot of exercises, but we will give some of the most interesting and simple ones.

1. name everything you see

You sit in a room and just name everything you see + an adjective to it.

The chair is old, the table is on wheels, the computer is black, the wallpaper is grey, the plants are green...

You do the same thing when you go to work, only you can dilute it with a more detailed description.

An old woman is sitting on her red coat, a man is reading a newspaper article about football, the girl smells good ...

If these actions seem meaningless to you, then you are absolutely right, there is no point in them. You simply train your brain to say everything you see and give associations to it.

1. Little Stories

Almost the same thing, but you just come up with little stories for what you see. You need to come up with stories quickly, even if at first it turns out to be rubbish and fantasy, the main thing here is not to hang on thinking.

Plant. It used to be a small pea, but the warmth and care of our family allowed it to become a small sprout. Once a cat approached this small, defenseless sprout. She pushed it clumsily with her hind legs, and the sprout fell to the ground. But we collected all the earth back into the clay pot and put it, along with the sprout, away from the cat. Watered regularly, the summer sunlight gave the sprout strength and now it has grown into a large plant that will soon enslave the earth, making zombies out of people under its control.

Yes, you can be weird).

Do the same. So your mind will learn to give detailed associations to any words and you will be able to support any conversation.

The delusion generator is a very easy, effective and simple technique. Regularly doing it every day for 10 minutes, you will feel the results in 1-2 months.

How to effectively communicate with people

However, how to communicate with people in such a way that you get what you want from them?

NLP psychology specializes in this area.

Today, there is a huge amount of NLP literature, courses and trainings on the Internet. No matter how cruel it may sound, but people want to be able to “subdue” the will of other people.

In NLP, much is taken from Exxon hypnosis. But I must say that if you expect a complete shutdown of people's consciousness and the ability to introduce anything into it, then you are mistaken in this. Ericksonian hypnosis is a procedure for introducing a person into a state of the road and laying in the subconscious of a person the grain of actions that are beneficial to you.

Ericksonian hypnosis is a whole topic that is hard to fit within the framework of this article. However, now we will tell you about one of the most effective methods, these are the Erickson spirals.

The fact is that the human consciousness is able to perceive a limited amount of information, the remaining amount will be "brought" straight into the subconscious. Erickson spirals look like this.

• We begin to tell story number 1 (beginning).
• We smoothly switch to story number 2 (beginning).
• We insert story number 3 with a metaphor, with the desired result for us (suggestion).
• Ends story number 2 (end).
• Finishing story number 1 (ending).

Thus, there is a little story with the information we need in paragraph 3 that goes straight into the subconscious. It is very good if the stage of suggestion is wrapped in a shell of something taken for granted.

How does it actually look like.

You want to ask a girl out on a date. Do not consider that we are teaching you a pickup truck, it’s just that on this problem it is easiest to describe the essence of Erickson’s spirals:

(Start 1). When summer days come, it's very cool not to sit at home, but to spend time outside. My friends are the same, they are always busy with something.

(Start 2). A friend of mine loved summer walks, when the whole country was watching TV and watching matches of the World Cup, he walked in the parks.

(Suggestion) Once he invited a girl to take a walk with him, she at first refused, but then agreed. Now 3 years have passed, their child is 2 years old and they are very happy. It's nice to see happy people, isn't it?

(End 2) By the way, then our team did not leave the group, for which the Germans and the Brazilians played well.

(Ending 1) They say this summer will be very hot and it's great, it will be possible not only to spend time in the parks, but also to go swimming.

If you read this example and thought that this story would not have made any impression on you, you are absolutely right! This example looks unnatural. It is written in a language that is not natural for communication, and one of the main tasks is to adapt the Ericksonian spirals to the format of communication that is natural for you.

In order to achieve the desired result from a person, it is often necessary to build several such spirals into a conversation.

We repeat that they do not turn off the consciousness of a person, and even having done everything masterfully, you do not guarantee yourself a 100% positive result. However, having learned such spiral stories, you significantly increase the chance of getting the result you need from the person you need.

And so, friends. We shed light on the issue of fear in communication, talked about the delirium generator and Erickson's spirals. We hope that our article turned out to be not just another crazy article about a smile when communicating, but gave you some new, little knowledge. And most importantly, you now have the tools to work with your problem.

Thank you for your attention and we wish you a pleasant, effective communication!