"Love him! I can't imagine life without it, but we are so bored together. And not that it was so before. Just at some point understood - even talk about what. Advise what to do? " - Such messages often can be found on the forums dedicated to the relationship between a man and a woman. Indeed, even the happiest and strong pair is not insured against the decline periods, when the joint pastime comes down to the seats behind computers (each for its own) and indifferent: "How are things at work?" But this does not mean that people who were in a similar situation must certainly scatter, put a cross in further relations and look for happiness somewhere else. To begin with, at least try to breathe life into a frozen connection and make it brighter.

Most of the "advisers" in the same forums for some reason answer that if there was a bit of boredom at least a little bit, they should be finished right there. To go for a while, to leave the commemoration - as if only in this modern people see the solution to the problem. Our grandmothers and mothers are usually answered by such remarks: "I used to buy everything before, and now they prefer to buy a new one right." And after all, there is a share of truth in this - do you really need to run from the ship at the first difficulties? Why not try to overcome them together with your loved one, thereby making the relationship even stronger and trust? The main thing is to remember that only joint efforts are able to lead to a positive result: if only one will be jammed, and another to sit and wait for these flurethan to bring something to something, then nothing flat will fail.

Boredom says that you do not satisfy some of your needs.

Talk to the partner

Start with the fact that voiced your experiences. It sounds strange, but it happens: one place does not find yourself from the feeling that something goes wrong, and the other does not notice anything like that. The conversation you will kill two hares: tell you a loved one about doubts and fears and learn whether he feels that the relationship has become fresh. Boredom says that you do not satisfy some of your needs. Little just to realize them, you need to talk about the needs, not forcing the partner to guess your hidden desires. In addition, you should also understand that interest in the needs of a loved one is an important component of harmonious and non-commission relationships.

Psychologists are confident - at a self-sufficient person who is not bored with him, much more chances to be an interesting surrounding than that who is waiting for others to entertain him. Take care of something interesting, for example, any hobby. Feel that you can rejoice in every day, regardless of whether you have a long conversation for souls with your beloved or not.

You yourself will not notice how, becoming interesting for yourself, cause a living interest from a partner: a girl with burning eyes and with an extingue telling about what dance movements she learned today, involuntarily attracts the attention of her men.

Change together

And change the situation around yourself, but too together. Nothing helps to breathe life into bored relationships, as the changes that two started side by side with each other. Stop walking into the usual restaurant: let them cook tasty, but you try the kitchen of another institution, and then either rejoice that you opened something new, or wangle and come back to the proven place. Or adjust the permutation, but do not quarrel, try to listen to each other's opinions. Well, finally, if the means and time are allowed - we get on vacation. Do not go to Greece for the third time in a row, it is better to visit the country in which I have never been, say, Austria or China. Main principle - comprehend new together, share your impressions, surprise and enjoy the moments of unity.

Do not skimp on surprises

Start making the first steps, leaving his jacket in my pocket, a cute note or sending a romantic SMS when he does not wait at all. Another good option is the scrambled eggs in the shape of a heart for breakfast. Speak, sweet and childish? But remember the time when you were good with each other and, most importantly, not boring. Surely then you just started to meet and behaved like children. So why not revive this wonderful period of your relationship?

Remember the time when you were good with each other and, most importantly, not boring.

Do not ignore his interests

We spoke about this earlier, but now we will analyze this item in more detail. Say, your man is a fan of cycling. Whole weekend rolling around the city, calling with you, and you also refuse, surprised later that you absolutely do not have anything in common. So why don't at least try to try to ride with him? Let them not like it, but at least each of you will know what you tried. A man is very important to understand that there is a reliable support and support in the face of the beloved woman.

In most cases, when relationships become boring, first of all it is worth paying attention to yourself. We are ready to blame partner, and in fact it's not he has changed, it has changed our expectations and desires. We mentally live in the "candy-bought period", whereas in the courtyard the stage is already more serious and mature relationships. Look at the situation of healthy, analyze what is happening with you, and do steps to meet your loved one - you should not wait for it that he will do everything for you.

Cutting into a plate, she goes through the fork of salad pieces. He carefully studies the leg of his glade. Snoing looks at the clock. The time as if frozen. Calm Saturday evening in a restaurant. It would now enjoy these moments, rest, dinner, each other ... and they miss. Every person probably happened to see couples that dine like this, as if invisibly compounded by the general dreary weight. How can this be? How can you have to test what is customary to be considered lonely?

Stable relationship means boring?

"Boredom - the feeling that every time of time experiences, unpleasant and very painful, is reminded of psychologist Lyudmila Shaigirov. - At such moments, the pressure of time becomes unbearable, each second reaches a whole eternity. "

This feeling no way looks like an idleness of a non-busy child or a slower for a rainy day. The real boredom checks on the strength of our relationship with the world. Philosopher Vladimir Yankelevich calls this state by "jam between": we seem to do not move, appreciated, burdened with a sense of their own emptiness and uselessness. The taste of life goes away, and we can do nothing with it.

The work of this mechanism of loss of interest and meaning becomes noticeable when he begins to show himself in some specific area, for example, in relations with a partner.

"We are starting to perceive them as monotonous," says Lyudmila Shaigirov. - boredom causes a feeling of fatigue and dissatisfaction with relations in general. " It seems to be a memorial ringing in love: we know the other along and across, we have nothing more to say.

"I miss" - that means "I don't like you anymore," or "I know you too well," or "You are no longer interested in me" ... no, think so - a mistake, because it is impossible to know the other to the other. How to know yourself.

In moments, boredom is useful to remember that dissatisfaction is one of the properties of the psyche, the form of our existence. It is not connected with his own inability to live, nor with the imperfections of the other, and therefore in his boredom does not need to blame anyone, the sociologist of Veronik Naum-grappa is convinced.

"Today, a long monogamous union in Western society is perceived as an impersonation of lifeless routine, banality, inertness. And it is these associations that are put on us. But should we live by the law of the endless multiplication of our partners, classes, interests, achievements?

Today's life is managed by slogans, the main of which is success. And if "every day to walk on the same work" or "make love with the same person" for me means that "my life failed" that I "remained nobody", which means all this you need to quickly destroy . And then I most likely tell myself that I was bored. Today, more and more partners break up, explaining this just what they bored together. "

Look for what unites

The real boredom tougher than the vague sense of fatigue from being. Other comes from it: "So is unbearable."

"But while the words of one partner find a response in another, Love is still alive," Patrick Lambul explains Patrick Patrick. - Yes, boredom invaded our pair, but we did not necessarily blurtter and did not have to confuse us. What we feel like an endlessness or loss of our own feeling is most likely only says that new sources of energy are needed, you need to change something in life. " In the end, all couples are sometimes worried about the moments of doubt: maybe we still have something ... but not for sure.

From this state only one way out: talk to each other. "Two you need to look for any language unifying their language," the psychotherapist Ekaterina Mikhailova is confident. - Together to admire the picture or watch a movie, in general to experience a new joint experience with a partner. All anything: general hobbies, board games, household activities, hiking in the pool ... Even the joint participation of partners in some public action can improve the quality of relationships. "

Boredom as no feeling

But if neither general, nor personal affairs and hobbies of partners inspire them to communicate, if everyone returns to the unwitting sigh and both are immersed in the unbearable feeling of emptiness, then boredom confirms that there is no feeling, but the running relationship.

"Once in the evening, Gleb and I went into a familiar cafe, - remembers the 35-year-old Vika. "And I suddenly covered me with a terrible feeling that both we became one of those dull, boring couples, over which they were so fun at the beginning of our novel. And I was some kind of fresh, and he is faded. We have nothing to talk about. Well still, music played there. I was very sad. Something broke".

By the time of Vika with Gleb, there was a year and a half. What happened? "To understand, feel that the former, initial merge with your beloved will no longer be, is a piercing, very painful experience," says psychoanalyst Jean-Jacques Muscovik. - It's like a gap, like leaving the life of close - inside an instant sensation of emptiness instantly arises, understanding that there is nothing more to wait. The feeling of dislike - as a step over the abyss. Dupless test. "

What boredom is born

It is important to take career than the features of relations that seriously increase the risk of stagnation in a couple, Psychologist Lyudmila Shaygerova believes.

• High expectations. Falling in love, we involuntarily idealize the partner, we attribute the qualities to him that he does not possess, and he, in turn, behaves so that it seems better. When romantic love passes, we see a real person, the perfect image collapses. Disappointment and dissatisfaction occur.
• Good intentions. "It is more important to devote yourself to children or arrangement of life, rather than spend time on the development of relationships" - such behavior is infusing intimacy.
• Holded emotions. The desire to smooth out the angles, suppress anger, control itself, avoid quarrels can lead to the establishment of smooth surface relationships ... flowing into boring.
• All attention is different. The disproportionately large involvement of one of the partners to other relations (professional, friendly, related) leads to the fact that the relationship is missing for the relationship.
• Personal features. Some of us more others tend to fall into a bored state, which can then go to depressive. If a person is bored with himself, if neither work, nor hobbies inspire him, then it is difficult for him to offer something else.

Who is guilty?

"He (her) is boring with me ..." Such a discovery can subjected to anyone. "Somehow on Saturday, we were at home on Saturday, just lying on the sofa," says 28-year-old Sergey. - I asked her why she was so often silent lately. Embrainer, she admitted that he missed a little bit. I seemed to collapse the wall. Since then, I am waiting that she will throw me. "

"In a moment, when I understand that another boring with me, the image of me, who (as it seemed to me) was in another, collapses," explains Jean-Jacques Muscovik. - This is a loss - I am deprived of the usual support, supports. The love of another gives a feeling of justification of our existence, but, leaving, takes and all that gave this feeling, and above all - the definition of me as a value of a valuable ... Children's omnipotence that I returned the other for a while, it is rudely taken away. "

But if we have nothing more to say and not interesting to listen to him - is it because we will cease to hear ourselves? And isn't it the very moment when it is worth turning to ourselves and ask: where did you get boredom? Why is everything that we live before (all our plans, desires ...), now seems completely useless?

The boredom is already useful because it gives a clear signal: "Something has changed, and we will no longer look at the world as before." But how then to watch? Search and find an answer to this question for everyone - there will be no finished recipes. "Never ask the way for the one who knows it," the Chinese proverb says. "Otherwise you can no longer find yourself, getting lost."

"Boredom" - Roman Alberto Moravia

In the book Alberto Moravia, this feeling is given to Dino, rich Roman bourgeois and an invalid artist. To have fun, he becomes the lover of Cecilia, the seventeen-year-old model. Thinking that and with her very soon bore, he tries to turn her into a thing, humiliate, but the woman eludes him. He plunges into the pool of passion, and, while she is removed from him, he is deeply immersed in the secret, which she embodies. His insatiable need to understand the world and find a sense in it faces a riddle of a woman.

Alberto Moravia reduces the face to face two radically opposite ideas about life: Dino falls into the emptiness, because desperately seeks to find everything a rational explanation, and Cecilia is given to the world and takes it as it is. Boredom comes, as a novelist will write a few years later, "When one person uses the other to achieve the goal, which does not concern."

Immediately make a reservation. If you start bored with a man at the initial stage of relationships, then do not pull and break away right there as soon as boredom manifested itself. Apparently, this is not the person who can cause deep feelings.

Another thing, if you bored after a long period of living together or regular meetings with "this guy." Previously, everything was different. When your relationship just started, he sang a serenade under the window, gave the expensive bouquets, drove into the theater and the most fashionable filmmakers. Do you remember your first joint holiday?

Sea, sun, beach and his eyes. Once nothing in the world did not interest you more than his eyes. And now you begin to slip the eyelids, as soon as he speaks about his affairs, the yawning appears when he starts a conversation about the coming weekend and you want to run, where the eyes look, with his memories of the pancakes of their mother.

We want to immediately open your eyes: this is not a man became more boring, it has changed your attitude towards him. Or maybe over time you have changed myself, and now instead of the quiet family-run views of the world film sedavra, you need noisy parties or conquering new mountain peaks. If something began to seem boring, including the man who is near, it announces changes.

So, one period of your life ends, and the other will begin. You feel it and start to miss, - the next step will be the appearance of something new. Mentally rejoice in this, - you grow internally, - and enjoy the situation!

The very first thing to do in the current situation is to understand that your man is not to blame. He is not a clairvoyant, capable of predicting all your internal changes obviously. Therefore, it is not worth noting our discontent on it in any manifestations.

Next, ask yourself the question: What would you like to change in your today's life? To visit the Mountain Altai, visit the psychological training, arrange a permutation in the apartment, and maybe finally buy a country house with a big garden? Or make a dog, fish, in the most extravagant version - a child?

Perhaps you were visited by vague mental urges to go to another place of work or elementary change. Well look inside yourself and understand, in which direction there will be upcoming changes in your life.

If nothing comes to mind, then it's just a change in the natural course of everyday things. For example, if earlier in the evenings, the husband called for you to work, then he took a training session, and in the evening you prepared dinner together, now in the morning the preparing semi-finished products for evening meals, ask your loved ones on your own easily, and go on a bus or taxi .

If you are not yet ready to accomplish such ambitious permutations, then try to start changing the route to work: go on a different road to stop, choose other vehicles or grab your drift rods on the shelf. You will see that due to changes in ordinary, it would seem that the world around the world begins to transform a magical way: the way to work, it turns out, not very long, in the courtyard near your office grow miraculous ate, and your own husband is not such a boring type. And he prepares, as it turned out, very much!

You can talk to your beloved about what is happening with you, and you plan any changes on two. For example, visit the exhibition of fabulous dinosaurs, master the Vienna Waltz, will finally remove, it's a ship from the living room, and maybe we will crawl into the tropics. Do not be afraid to change and discover something new in yourself. Especially, so interesting!

Relationships can be very confusing and ambiguous. Sometimes you feel yourself the happiest man in the world. And sometimes the relationship can be so tightened in the whirlwind and hit the seats that they involuntarily ask for a question, why did it all have been necessary.

There was a feeling that the relationship was bored? You are not the only person who is visited by such thoughts, so you should not feel the feeling of guilt about this, even if your second half is in love with you.

Sometimes it happens ...

But did it really become for you a surprise that relationship was bored? Of course not. Almost always the relationship is bored because you did nothing to avoid this. Are you tired of your relationship? You may, together with your partner for a long time, a few months, and maybe even years. But at some inevitable moment you begin to think about it, and are you really happy in this relationship. So why does this happen?

You did not want to sob, but it happened. Once you woke up and realized that you are no longer interested to stay with this person. As an option, you can drive out this thought and save the relationship, and you can start an intrigue with someone more sexy and interesting. Many options. Before you blame anyone in dealing with a relationship, answer yourself a couple of questions:

• Why did you get bored with relationships?
• What do you want to do next?
• And most importantly: what led to this?

If you understand why you bought a relationship, you can avoid a similar situation in the future. As long as you honestly do not see yourself in the true causes of disappointment in a relationship, you will never be happy, and periodically in your relationship will be there or a drama, or boredom. The reason that relationships are bored, maybe something one of the following or all together. If you learn to avoid these errors and stimuli, you can enjoy relationships and forget about disappointments.

Read about 15 reasons that can lead to a break in relationships. And when determine the reason, decide what to do next.

#one. Daily routine. Your relationship is a boring routine: the predictability and the fact that you know that you will do every day, today, tomorrow, and all week. When love becomes monotonous, some simply do not stand, it seems to them that they are stuck in the locked room.

# 2. Lack of bright emotions. Remember when the last time you joined something interesting and exciting. When people together a long period of time, they begin to perceive surprises and some emotional things like proper. If the relationship do not admire you anymore, correct it. Plan a sharing vacation, dinner outside the house once a week, do at least something!

# 3. Feelings - thin matter. Very correctly fall in love, slowly. When two fall in love very quickly, then, as a rule, this feeling has a very weak soil, especially if people are together just for several reasons, good sex, for example, or a desire to forget the previous love. Do not hurry to fall in love if you meet with someone, and even more so start living together.

#four. Capabilities. We often notice the potential partners for the relationship. You really like your half, but somewhere deep in the soul, you think that you missed something and deserve more. If you have such thoughts, you just don't have any other way out - let go of these relationships, because you will never be happy with this person. Leave and get pleasure from life. You can meet someone who really deserve the one who may be better. At least, we will hope for it.

#five. Treason at the emotional level. You may have an emotional connection with a friend or colleague, although you can not realize it! Whether it happened that about their affairs at work or personal experiences, it is easier for you to talk to someone else, but not with your partner? While you will not open your partner and do not begin to communicate with him, the relationship will inhibit you.

# 6. Sex can bother. And it is true. After many years of relationship, sex becomes monotonous. But this does not mean that it's all late and cannot be returned to the spark in bed things. If you like to find excuses from having sex than they do, then you really bored your relationship.

# 7. Memories. Special memories play a very important role in the relationship, but as in principle in life in general. Looking back, you can remember the happy moments, and what is more, the meaningful your life. The same principle acts in love relationships. The absence of joyful moments, the lack of memories will lead to the fact that you will stop perceiving love, as something special and excellent.

#eight. Communication. You do not want to talk about something to your partner in detail, because it takes so much time? It is this that causes many couples lose their relationship. We are silent about minor, in our opinion, things, however, these, as it seems to us, the unimportants play a big role.

#nine. Spontaneity. Joint planning of all his life is a very good way to prepare yourself and your relationship to the future. However, from time to time, both partners will not hurt a little recklessness, it will help to maintain relationships at a good emotional level. In addition, a small deviation from the planned route makes life much brighter.

#10. You miss the times when there were alone. This is a frightening feeling, and you never get rid of it, and if you do not learn how to fight it, then such thoughts will overcome you from time to time. What did you do when there were alone? Take care of the same, just with your partner, well, of course, except for flirting with the opposite sex. Although, when the partner is not near, you can also smell.

#eleven. Common goals and desires. If partners have no joint hobbies or plans, then they have no future, and definitely at some point they will get bored with each other. Build air locks together, learn to dream of a better life together. You both will be passionate about to implement common dreams together, it will bring you closer.

#12. Joint pastime. The time spent together is very useful, but only if it is not too much. Take time with friends or apart from time to time. And then, at the end of the day, at the meeting you will be very excited and willing to tell about what happened to you per day.

#13. Another person impress you. At times it happens, but you do not need to blame yourself and feel like a liar and traitor. Even if you begin to avoid this person and do not think about treason, thoughts about the newly exciting person, full of life and mysteries, may be at the psychological level to make you believe that your current relationship is bored with you. Perhaps you did not want to change, but the relationship suddenly become lifeless.

#fourteen. Irritation. Is there something that annoys you in a partner, for example, lazy or clumsy? Teach to discuss this, because little discontent develops into a large problem. It is like a snowball riding down the slope. And while you do not learn to resist him, he will roll everything and roll down, increasing in size.

#fifteen. Loss of yourself. If you have nothing except the relationship, and you abandoned your life in order to spend more time with a partner, one day the time will come when you want to return everything back, because you will not know who you are actually. You need to learn how to pay a lot of free time, without having lost its own Ya.

What led to what the relationship was bored with you? The answer is very simple. What do you want to do? What is the first decision comes to mind? Do you want to establish relationships or move on?

Work diligently over relationships with your partner or talk to him and take a break in relationships. There are not so many options. If the relationship is tired, it is better to part now, otherwise you can wave each other, which will lead to a severe discontinuity in the future.

Even when there are no significant difficulties in relationships - even then people tend to seek a reason to be offended by their neighbor. And then they provoke a quarrel - to have fun. This is how boredom is manifested in relationships. What can you do about it?

The boredom itself is a consequence of a lack of people's activity in relation to each other. Moreover, it is necessary that this activity is varied. Every day you need to do something new - and then the relationship is unlikely to be bored!

On Monday You can practice neutrality towards a close person - so that he is a bit alone.
Tuesday - Positively tell him the history of the success of some famous personality.
On Wednesday It should be seriously talking and thinking about the meaning of the activity you earn your life.
On Thursday It is worth making a gift. For example, it can be a postcard.
On Friday It is useful to arrange a romantic evening, go to the theater ...
On Saturday It is worth listening to lectures together and see useful films that are interesting to both.
On Sunday - to dream on topics: "How we will live in 5 years" and "what a joint business can be." Cohesion is so great !!!

It is worth noting that it does not matter who will be the initiator of innovations, but the practitioner of their person has to continue the relationship with him.