"The way of life in the family, - writes I. M. Sechenov, - is reflected on children with amazing brightness for many years."

What should be the way of life in a family? These are, first of all, normal, benevolent relationships between adults (parents). Parents should always remember that their actions, words are watched by attentive and all sensitive childish eyes.

In a good family, the child perceives the respectful attitude of father and mother to each other, mutual assistance in household matters, care of the child, about his upbringing, a calm, friendly tone in dealing with each other - without anger and irritation, without shouting.

Shouting is generally the most striking sign of the lack of a culture of human relations. A rude, loud tone drops an adult in the eyes of a child, especially an older preschool age, who sees in this the helplessness of an adult.

On this occasion, V. A. Sukhomlinsky wrote: “We, educators, often forget that the understanding of the world begins in young children with the knowledge of man. Good and evil is revealed to the child in the manner in which the father addresses the mother, what feelings are expressed by his views and movements. "

Reasonable, loving and observant parents are convinced from their own experience that family education for parents is, first of all, self-education. For such parents, the requirements for the child are coordinated, uniform, provided for and reasonable. They are feasible for their baby, since the father, mother know his individual characteristics and the capabilities of a given age.

It is very important not to exceed the requirements. How often we do not know how to take the place of the person from whom we demand. Excessive demands, unbearable for the child, remain unfulfilled, the child loses faith in his strength, his joy fades, he feels guilty (although not guilty). A small crack is formed in his relationship with his father (mother). Too strict rules, requirements are difficult not only for the child, but also for themselves.

Parental authority

In teaching practice, unfortunately, it is often necessary to warn against stubbornness not of children, but of parents: "I said - let him do it!" - far from the most reasonable solution to the issue. The father (that mother) will benefit much more, who, realizing that he is demanding too much from the child or is talking too harshly to him, changes his tone of speech and does not insist, and then, together with the child, discuss why this happened. What gratitude and warmth the quivering child's heart will respond to this nobility of an adult, what an example of behavior such an act of his father (mother) in later life can become for him!

Lack of agreement in parental requirements for a child, unwillingness or inability to take into account his interests and opportunities sometimes becomes the cause of childhood neuroses. A child is not born nervous, he becomes one. Especially, psychologists and teachers emphasize, this happens during the so-called collision of the processes of inhibition and excitement, when they praise for the same act, and punish another time - depending on the mood. Or, when the father demands one thing and the mother demands another (and vice versa). In such a situation, the child begins to cheat. He very early grasps when, why and who to turn to in order to achieve his goal.

Therefore, in a family where they want to raise a physically and morally healthy person, an atmosphere of friendship and mutual understanding should prevail.

As a rule, the mother goes to work after maternity (and additional) leave. She has to spend a lot of energy to combine her responsibilities at work with numerous chores around the house. During this period, the husband's attitude towards her means a lot. The abundance of worries is tiring, the wife can be irritable at times. How important it is to cleverly extinguish this, relieve her nervousness with a joke, ease her fatigue with a smile. This is necessary not only for her, but also for the child.

The mother's state of mind, her cheerful and calm mood create that general atmosphere in the family that the child needs, which is good for everyone. In the eyes of the child, dad becomes an example to follow: he, too, begins to feel sorry for mom, seeks to help her in his own way. This is how the feeling of tender care for each other is fixed, and the child will carry this feeling through his whole life.

A talented teacher and a wonderful person, V. A. Sukhomlinsky dreamed that “every father would know and understand what a great need a child feels for him, how he wants a wise courageous man to be around”.

The child pays with love, gratitude and respect for attention to him, to his interests and needs.

With all the busyness, parents and other adult family members need to find time and opportunity to pay attention to children. During Sunday lunch or dinner, when the whole family gathers at a common table, the mother, father or older brother talks about what happened at work, at school.

Such conversations expand the knowledge of the baby, help him understand that there is a big and interesting world outside their home, awaken good feelings for those people who create a lot of good and necessary for everyone. How children love such stories!

The child also wants to do something pleasant for his relatives: he brings his dad and mom slippers, glasses, a newspaper. An older child helps to clean the dishes, cook dinner, water the flowers ... It’s so easy and simple to infect a child with the desire to help, excite and maintain his interest in the world around him, in working people, foster respect for them and the need to do good for them.

Classification of spiritual and moral values \u200b\u200bof the family as a factor in the formation of spiritual culture and family life.

The family is the bearer of the cultural values \u200b\u200bof society and people. She cultivates family traditions, conveys a system of values \u200b\u200bto the younger generation, satisfies their cultural needs, forms an attitude towards the three main values \u200b\u200bof any culture: truth, goodness and beauty. Thus, the family bears a huge responsibility for the image of the world, of a person and of social life it forms in its children.

Scientists dealing with the problem of family values \u200b\u200bclassify them from various scientific positions. So, according to sociologists M.S.Matskovsky, L.I.Savinov, etc., the following are among the values \u200b\u200bof the family in various spheres of marriage:

- in the field of premarital behavior and the choice of a marriage partner: for an individual - love, attraction, physical attractiveness, status in society, socio-cultural parameters; for the family: value orientations associated with the ability to continue the family name, surname, expand family ties, follow the traditions, customs and lifestyle of the parental family; for society: the behavior of an individual in relation to national, religious, communal customs and traditions;

- in the sphere of parenting (compassion, mutual understanding, willingness to help, responsibility for each other);

- children as a family value (heirs, successors of the clan and surnames, support in old age, the meaning of life);

- family functions as a value (household, leisure, educational, sexual, emotional, social control, etc.);

- the sphere of relationships as a family value (true, imaginary, intermittent, conflicting, creative, etc.);

- fulfillment of a family role (ability to be fruitful, destruction)

- socialization as a family value (introduction to culture, education, career, material well-being).

The paternal and maternal lines of behavior in the Russian family were organically united in a hierarchically built family structure (the established order, the structure of life), had a beneficial effect on the formation of the child's soul and the strengthening of family ties. On the basis of the traditional spiritual and moral foundations of the family, the subsequent social and spiritual consistency of the individual was laid. The modern order of life is completely different, it provokes the destruction of traditional family ties. For both men and women, work, success in the professional field, and the desire for wealth are becoming increasingly important. Modern parents have neither physical nor mental strength to raise their children.

Family life in the spiritual culture and family life.

A family is a small social group whose members are linked by a common life, mutual assistance and mutual responsibility; it is a relationship between husband and wife, parents and children, based on love and ensuring the continuation of the human race and the transfer of accumulated life experience from generation to generation.

For each of its members, the family is a school of love of constant readiness to give oneself to others, to take care of them, to protect them. On the basis of the mutual love of the spouses, parental love is born, the reciprocal love of children for their parents, grandmothers, grandfathers, brothers and sisters. Joy and sorrow in a spiritually healthy family become common: all the events of family life unite, strengthen and deepen the feeling of mutual love.

The family raised the children with its own way of life, understanding the need not only to preserve, but also to multiply what was inherited from previous generations.

The traditional family way of life helped the child learn about life in its various manifestations and taught him to join life to the best of his ability and strength. The girl adopted the style of family behavior from her mother, learned to build relationships with other family members, submitting to the unconditional authority of the man - the head of the family. The innate instinct of motherhood developed through participation in the upbringing of children. From early childhood, the girl took care of her future family life, prepared a dowry - spinning, weaving, embroidering. The girls valued humility, kindness, thriftiness, hard work, health.

The way of life of a peasant family brought up in children love for the motherland, respect for the history of their country, and tolerance. It was considered a moral obligation to give shelter to a stranger, to feed a soldier, to give to a beggar. The crippled and the poor were revered by the people, they were clothed, fed with the whole world.

The family, being the heir and keeper of spiritual and moral traditions. The old people were engaged in the spiritual education of children, they passed on to the young all the best that they had acquired during their long life. They told tales and lives of saints, gave instructions on behavior, taught prayers.

The family is called upon not only to perceive, support, but also to transmit from generation to generation the spiritual, religious, national and cultural tradition.

The most important feature of the family is the community of life, which develops and changes under the influence of material production, social relations, the level of culture and has a huge impact on other aspects of people's lives, on the formation of the personality.

Everyday life is an area of \u200b\u200bsocial life associated with the restoration of human vital functions, his working capacity and creative activity. The basis of everyday life is personal, family and social production and consumption of necessary goods. Everyday life is the sphere of non-productive economic and social life, which includes activities related to the satisfaction of people's material needs in food, clothing, housing, health maintenance, and activities related to the development of spiritual benefits, culture, communication, recreation, entertainment. " It represents the sphere of human activity in which the entire system of production and consumption (food, laundry, apartment maintenance, etc.) is organized on the basis of individual labor and time expenditures. .

The basis of the material well-being of a family is the conscientious work of all its adult members in social production and at home, in everyday life. Labor for every family is not only a source of material well-being, but also the most important means of all-round personal development. Within the household, domestic work is allocated, carried out mainly by a woman. It is used to produce consumer goods and services needed by the family.
The inability to establish family life, share responsibilities, and create a strong family economy often endangers the very existence of the family.

Community of life is the most important feature of the family. And at the present time it is impossible to imagine the normal existence of a family without daily household work.

FAMILY RULES

• Each family has its own way of life (the order of organizing the life of the family), which is determined by the head of the family, joint decisions of the husband and wife, or adults and children.

• Relationships between family members are built on the basis of respect, trust, mutual assistance, personal and collective responsibility for the quality of home life.
• Family members, as necessary, coordinate their attitude to life, to individual events, as well as an understanding of universal human values: kindness, decency, education, family, homeland, citizen, etc.

• Adults learn for themselves and teach children the ability to negotiate. love, be grateful, forgive and ask for forgiveness.

• Adults and children study the history of their kind, create and cherish family traditions, value their surname, and know how to defend the honor of the family.

• Parents create conditions for children for quality education, a healthy lifestyle, and meaningful leisure.

• Each family member, according to his age, state of health, employment, labor activity, has his own responsibilities for housekeeping.

• To improve the quality of home life, family members regularly identify the pros and cons of their family life, jointly make decisions to improve it.

• Parents raise their children as parents of their grandchildren: they teach their son to be a man, husband, father, daughter - a woman, wife and mother.
• Children honor their parents, help their younger ones, are responsible for the results of educational work, for fulfilling their responsibilities for housekeeping.

• A respectable family has its own laws for organizing a happy family life, its own idea of \u200b\u200bthe home, the role of father and mother in human life.

• A well-built family lifestyle is a guarantee of a happy family life, a guarantee of the success of adults and children in society and serves as the basis for family relations in subsequent generations of the family.

On the subject: methodological developments, presentations and notes

summary of the lesson on the world around the 3rd grade program Harmony "Way of life in Russia"

The objectives of this lesson are to form an idea of \u200b\u200bhow the life of distant ancestors was organized, who controlled their life; to acquaint with the variety of dwellings; show the dependence of the device of life on ...

Parents' meeting "The way of family" - presentation.

The meaning of the word way is revealed. A historical and everyday representation of the types of family life is given: natural, industrial, symbolic.Hypothesis: on what the inclinations of the spiritual-mentality depend ...

Project: “Family way of life and ceremonial holidays. Tradition and modernity "

School textbooks by G. M. Grekhnev "Rodnoe slovo" and N. M. Konyshev "Technology" are the set of textbooks that are focused on the general principles of developing education and pedagogy of cooperation. Wed ...

1

The article provides a theoretical analysis of the concept of the family structure in its socio-psychological aspect. The family is a small group with a specific purpose for its creation. The stability of the family system over a long timescale depends on many factors that can be combined into the concept of a family structure. It represents stable forms of the relationship of family members with each other, the essence of which is in preserving the integrity of the family and the transfer of values \u200b\u200bfrom older generations to younger generations, implemented in the objective environment of the house. The family structure influences the formation of the personality, and also itself is influenced by the historical social context in which the family lives. The following components of the family structure are distinguished: the composition and structure of the family, interpersonal relations, the internal environment of the house, contacts with the outside world. The family structure is not a static formation, it is undergoing changes and development. The most significant changes are associated with the stage of family formation, when there is an interaction (adjustment) of two structures of parental families, refracted in the minds of young people, with the stage of family growth, as well as the entry of adult children into independent life.

family life

family stability

interpersonal relationships

1. Ananiev B.G. Man as a subject of cognition - SPb .: Peter, 2001 .-- 288 p.

2. Bekhterev V.M. Selected works on social psychology - Moscow: Nauka, 1994 .-- 400 p.

3. Karabanova O.A. Psychology of family relations and the basics of family counseling - M .: Gardariki, 2005. - 320 p.

4. Carmin A.S., Bernatsky G.G. Philosophy - SPb .: Peter, 2010 .-- 560 p.

5. Myasishchev V.N. Psychology of relationships: ed. A.A. Bodaleva / Introductory article by A.A. Bodaleva - M .: Publishing house "Institute of Practical Psychology", Voronezh: NPO "MODEK", 1995. - 356 p.

6. Shikhi G. Age crises. Stages of personal growth - St. Petersburg: Juventa, 1999 .-- 436 p.

7. Poisons V.A. The relationship of sociological and socio-psychological approaches to the study of lifestyle // Psychology of personality and lifestyle, ed. Shorokhovoy E.V. -1987. - M: Science - 220 p.

Introduction

Recently, there has been an increasing interest in the study of various aspects of family life. Special attention is paid to the so-called family crisis, which manifests itself: in the disintegration of families during a relatively short time interval from the moment of registration of relations; in the absence of desire to register a relationship; in the emergence of non-traditional forms of families. Difficulties of this kind in family history have arisen more than once in connection with the transformation of the socio-economic system of this or that state. In modern conditions, an applied problem arises: how is it possible to overcome the current temporary crisis, to what new stable state will the further development of the family take place, how it will correlate with the development of society as a whole.

The family in the socio-psychological terms is a small group of a special type. Common to the family, as to all small groups, is that it arises under certain conditions (number, the presence of a goal, joint activity); has a formal and informal structure defined by the distribution of roles; goes through certain stages of development; it has group dynamics.

Special for the family is the specificity of the purpose for which it is created, namely, the reproduction of the genus. This goal is one of the main system-forming factors in creating a family. To achieve this goal, a set of conditions is required that distinguish the family from all other small groups: marriage, cohabitation, joint housekeeping. In modern family psychology, one more goal of creating a family and the corresponding function is distinguished: “... felictive - the function of satisfying a person's need for happiness (from lat. felicio- happiness) ... ". This feature stands out on the basis of established data: people who are married feel happier than single people. The felicitous function is associated with the emotional component of family life: love, understanding, trust, affection and the dynamics of these relationships.

In the context of this work, the focus is on such an important characteristic of the family as family ties. The main reasons for the destruction of the family are the rupture of these ties, the weakening of interaction in a number of generations, i.e. decomposition of the family structure.

purpose of this article - the analysis of the family structure (as the basis of its stability, integrity) in the socio-psychological aspect.

An object research is the phenomenology of the family structure.

Thingresearch is the social and psychological components of the family structure.

Research methods.The presented article provides a theoretical analysis of the views of Russian psychologists on the problem of the family structure. In addition, the preliminary results of a pilotage empirical study of the semantic content of the family structure of the Russian family in the everyday consciousness are described. The essence of the study was that 30 subjects aged 25 to 55 (2 generations) were asked to identify 10 characteristics of the family structure. Further, a content analysis of the obtained characteristics (more than 150) was carried out, which were subsequently summarized in a single table. At the next stage, 5 experts (professional psychologists) classified these characteristics into larger content blocks. The analysis of these blocks made it possible to draw conclusions about the structure of the family structure in its socio-psychological manifestation.

Results of theoretical and empirical research and their discussion.

The concepts of "family structure" and "lifestyle" were first introduced into psychological literature by V.M. Bekhterev. The way of the family, according to V.M. Bekhterev, is interconnected with such categories as "family customs", "family institutions", "family law". The way of life itself is understood as "... a set of conditions for living together ...". Here attention is drawn to the fact that the way of life cannot be considered in isolation from those specific historical conditions in which the family exists.

V.M. Bekhterev proposed the concept of the origin of the family, from which the nature of the way of life becomes clear. Based on a natural scientific foundation, V.M. Bekhterev establishes such an important biological instinct as the reproductive instinct at the basis of family formation. The sexual attraction of primitive people resulted in reproduction. Since the survival of a person alone was very difficult, the increase in the number of people led to the establishment of close social ties between members of the same genus. In the course of sociogenesis, intrageneric relations improved, the formation and development of morality took place. A special role in the progressive development of morality, from the point of view of V.M. Bekhterev, maternal education played: “... maternal education creates the norms of social way of life (author's italics), eliminating rough treatment of subordinates ... ". In this regard, there is reason to believe that a woman also plays the main role in the formation of the family structure.

V.M. Bekhterev pointed out that innovation is always opposed to the way of life. Its most striking features are reflected in works of art. When there is a change from one form of social or family structure to another, the younger generation usually ridicules the previous order of life, considering it meaningless. But even with a global restructuring of the previous course of life, not everything is rejected, there is continuity.

So, at the level of biology, a set of genes transmitted from generation to generation, which is the basis for the further evolution of the species, is responsible for the inheritance of traits that are useful for preserving the species. A similar mechanism exists in society, but not at the level of genes, but at the level of values, meanings of culture. V.M. Bekhterev called it spiritual heredity: “... a whole series of data speaks, of course, in favor of the fact that the factor of heredity plays a huge role in the life of society, but not biological or individual, but the so-called spiritual (italics ed.). By this name we mean that which is inherited by society from ancestors through education and continuity, which is transferred to one or another social organization from the past in the form of ready-made, established forms of social life. These include, first of all, such spiritual riches passed on to posterity from past generations, such as language, custom, traditions, general concepts, etc., as well as everything that is known under the name of established traditions and in general social life (italics ed.) ... ". In social philosophy, instead of spiritual, or social, heredity, it is customary to use the term "social memory".

From the above provisions V.M. Bekhterev can be seen that in his understanding of the "family structure" and "social structure" are inextricably linked with each other, passing one into the other. Historically, the family was to be formed first. Reproducing stable forms of relationships, he made a person's life together with others more profitable than alone. As human society grew and became more complex, new forms of relations appeared (not only related, but also industrial, business, etc.), which also existed within certain stable frameworks. Consequently, the way of life has acquired breadth, it has become not only family, but also social. In this one can see the self-similarity of social structures at various levels.

V.M. Bekhterev noted: “... although it is indisputable that this or that nation has its own temperament and possesses one or another degree of efficiency, which depends on climatic, economic and other conditions, but it is also undeniable that everything else that characterizes the nation depends on her social life and her way of life, developed over the centuries ... ". From this we can conclude that just as a nation cannot be considered in isolation from its way of life, from its culture, so the personality cannot be understood without examining the way of its family.

B.G. drew attention to the connection between the personality and the way of life and social conditions. Ananiev: “... at the first stages of personality formation, neurodynamic properties affect the rate and direction of the formation of a person’s personal properties. However, the personality traits (author's italics) are associated with contemporary for a given society and people way of life (author's italics), with the history of social development, especially with the history of cultural, political and legal development, which determined the formation of the modern way of life ... ”.

B.G. Ananyev did not consider the way of life once and for all given. He saw in him the possibility of change and development. While the child is in the family, he experiences the influence of the way that has developed in it. With the beginning of an independent life, a person begins to build his own system of relations, to acquire his own status, which can be successive in relation to the family. But "... under the influence of the circumstances of life and historical time, one's own status can increasingly move away from the old status and overcome the old way of life, preserving, however, the most valuable traditions ...". In this case, it is emphasized that changes in the way of life are of an evolutionary, not revolutionary nature, and that it is important to consider any changes in a broad historical context.

V.A. Yadov notes that "... the socio-economic structure, as a more stable component of living conditions, also determines more stable qualitative features of the lifestyle of social communities: the type of social relations, ideology and moral principles, as well as the content of life programs ...". It turns out that the way of life is a "social reality", in E. Durkheim's terms, from the level of a small group in which a person is born and on the basis of which he builds his relationships, to the level of society as a whole. The style turns out to be prior to the way of life. Thus, the way of the family expresses stable forms of relations between family members with each other and with society on a large time scale.

From the socio-psychological analysis of the concept of way of life, the definition of the family way of life can be formulated. The family structure is stable forms of relations between family members with each other, the essence of which is to preserve the integrity of the family and transfer values, stable patterns of behavior from older generations to younger ones, implemented in the subject environment at home.

The family structure turns out to be interconnected, on the one hand, with the social and economic structure external to it. On the other hand, the way of the family, reflected in the mind of the child, contributes to the formation of the moral makeup of the personality and its stability in relation to various influences from outside.

O. A. Karabanova connects the family way of life with the dominant values, family identity, and the distribution of roles in the family. The high consistency of values \u200b\u200band role expectations in a newly formed family contributes to the development of a family structure and an image of the family as a whole in the minds of each of its members. Disagreement on any of these parameters inevitably leads to conflicts and, in the worst case scenario, to family breakdown. O. A. Karabanova also points out that the family structure undergoes changes during the life cycle of the family and, like a personality, it has critical periods, timed to solve problems that are not facing an individual person, but before an integral group.

As a result of our empirical study of the semantic content of the family structure, the following criteria for its analysis were identified:

1. family composition - parents, children, grandparents;
2. family hierarchy - a system of relationships between spouses with each other, spouses with children, grandparents with children, grandparents with grandchildren, children among themselves (if there are several of them);
3. interpersonal relationships - features of emotional contacts, intimacy, trust;
4. internal environment - housekeeping, home improvement;
5. external environment - contacts with the outside world, the immediate environment and with society as a whole;
6. orders, attitudes, traditions, the presence of a family scenario.

On the basis of the developed conceptual approach, a test-oriented questionnaire was constructed, which, in addition to the listed parameters of the family structure, was supplemented with a scale of hospitality and a characteristic of the family atmosphere in general. Each of the 8 scales of the questionnaire contains 12 judgments and assumes a 12-point assessment of the selected parameters of the family structure. The questionnaire has passed the validation procedures and is ready for printing.

An important consequence of this empirical study was that in order to understand the characteristics of the family structure, it is necessary to consider it not only from the point of view of relations, but also from the point of view of the environment in which these relations unfold. Thus, in the structure of the family, two levels of manifestation stand out: physical (home, outside world) and socio-psychological.

The family structure, being a dynamic system, is undergoing certain transformations. Based on the fact that it is related to the structure of the family, it is logical to assume that changes in the structure of the family will lead to a change in the family structure. What could be these changes and when do they occur?

1. The stage of family formation is a problem of interaction between the ways of two families.
2. The stage of family growth is the appearance of children.
3. The stage of separation is the departure of adult children to an independent life.
4. A special category is made up of changes in the family structure associated with divorce, relocation, death of one of the parents, etc.

The stage of separation of adult children is a very delicate and delicate moment. In the scientific psychological literature, this problem is called "separation from parental roots." The further course of the study is supposed to be directed towards the analysis of the social and psychological characteristics of the way of life during the period of the child's departure from the parental family and during the formation of the general family structure in the newly formed family. Of undoubted interest is also the study of the family structure in the context of several generations of one family, as well as in the cultural, historical and ethnocultural aspect.

Conclusion.In this paper, a theoretical analysis of the concept of the family structure and some results of empirical research aimed at testing the theoretical provisions were presented. As a result, it can be noted that, firstly, the concept of a family structure, introduced into scientific use by V.M. Bekhterev, until now little has been developed from a socio-psychological point of view. This concept has an important heuristic meaning in the analysis of relationships and mutual transitions in the series family (as a small group) - personality - society. The family structure turns out to be a set of stable manifestations of the interaction of family members with each other in space and time, the basis of social inheritance and moral stability of the individual. Secondly, in the course of empirical research, it was found that in the semantic content, the family structure is represented by the composition, the hierarchy of connections between family members, interpersonal relationships, family orders and attitudes, as well as the peculiarity of the organization of the internal object environment at home and the breadth of family contacts with the external environment. The family structure is a dynamic system, in a number of generations it undergoes changes, while retaining certain essential features.

Reviewers:

• Loginova Natalya Anatolyevna, Doctor of Psychology, Professor of the Department of Differential Psychology and Developmental Psychology, St. Petersburg State University, St. Petersburg.
• Posokhova Svetlana Timofeevna, Doctor of Psychology, Professor of the Department of Special Psychology, St. Petersburg State University, St. Petersburg.

Bibliographic reference

Kunitsyna V.N., Yumkina E.A. FAMILY LAYOUT IN THE SOCIAL AND PSYCHOLOGICAL ASPECT // Modern problems of science and education. - 2012. - No. 4 .;
URL: http://science-education.ru/ru/article/view?id\u003d6696 (date of access: 02/01/2020). We bring to your attention the journals published by the "Academy of Natural Sciences"

Conversation 11. The internal structure of the family

A people is a living organism, the cells of which are families. If the family life of the people is violated, then the society begins to seriously ill. It is in the family that experience is passed from one generation to the next. The son works alongside his father - shoulder to shoulder - and it is here that he gets a live experience of life. We, as a people, are weakening, because the fortress of the people is in the fortress of the family, and the family in Russia is practically destroyed. Any love (for the Motherland, for the whole world, for a random person, etc.) begins with love in the family, since the family is the only place where a person goes through the school of love.

The modern way of life does not in any way contribute to the strengthening of the family, but, on the contrary, destroys it. I will note several sides in the question of the internal structure of a modern family.

Family status

To begin with, the family itself must have a very high status, first of all for the person himself. If the family does not occupy one of the most important places in a person's life, then he will never be able to create a strong family.

In Soviet times, the slogan "Public interests above personal" was very often used. This completely false attitude confused the entire hierarchy of values \u200b\u200bin Soviet people. There is no family in this hierarchy at all. There are some abstract public interests and there are personal ones. And what are family interests: public or personal? This was where the confusion began. Depending on the situation, family interests were either public or personal. But still more often family problems were declared personal, that is, less important than social ones, since reliable people were needed to build communism - not bound by any personal interests. A person who is attached to his family (as well as to the land) is unreliable for communism. Therefore, the era of building communism or socialism has greatly undermined all the family foundations of the Russian person. And after perestroika, the already greatly weakened family even reached a state of complete decline. Although the ideal of a strong family is still alive in our people, the living experience of how such a family is created has been largely lost by us.

For an Orthodox modern family man, the family occupies a quite clear and distinct place in the hierarchy of values. The system of these values \u200b\u200bis as follows: God - family - public service (service to people) - personal interests. The family is in second place after God, much higher than public service, and even more so personal interests. What does this value system mean? If the husband pushes his wife to have an abortion (that is, to murder), then obedience to God is higher than obedience to the husband. In this case, if the husband insists on an abortion, the spouse may even go for a divorce. The destruction of the family in this case is less of a problem than violation of the commandment "Thou shalt not kill!" Or another similar example. If a person, in order to save his son from a well-deserved punishment, wants to commit an official malfeasance, then it is better to stop, because keeping the commandments of God is higher than caring for his neighbor. But here's another example. The husband strongly protests against his wife's visit to the temple. What is the best thing for a wife to do? Can she also go for a divorce, as in the case of an abortion? In this case, you still cannot get a divorce. If in this case the husband does not push his wife to violate the commandments and does not force her to renounce God, then it is better for the wife to give in and not go to church for a while. In this case, visiting the temple should be attributed to the personal interests of the wife. Therefore, it is better to preserve the family without going to the temple, but at the same time remaining faithful to God in your heart. In this case, the family is more important.

If family interests force a husband or wife to resign from an important position, and the company may even suffer from this, one should leave without hesitation, since the family is more important. Etc. I repeat once again: the family is above everything except God. Unfortunately, such an attitude towards the family is extremely rare today.

Habitat

Family experiences are passed on from parents to children. Therefore, I will make a few comments regarding the upbringing of children. The family is the normal parenting environment. But where are modern children brought up? Is it in families? From an early age, the child is sent to kindergarten, then to school. In kindergarten, the child spends about 8 hours a day, he communicates with his parents about the same. Kindergarten age is the most important in the formation of personality, and the child spends half of the time in an environment that is completely different from the family home environment.

How does a family environment differ from a kindergarten? First, the family has a clear hierarchical structure. There are adults, there are older brothers and sisters, and there are younger ones. The child has a definite place in this hierarchy. Secondly, at home all the people around you are close relatives with whom you are connected for life. It's not like that in kindergarten. The child is in a group of peers. There is almost no hierarchical structure. There is one teacher for the whole group, so most of all collisions in a child's life occur when communicating with peers. In a collective of peers, everyone is equal, there are no elders and no younger ones. This is a completely unnatural environment. Unnatural, if only because the Lord did not give a woman the ability to give birth to fifteen to twenty children at once, who would be equal in the family. All upbringing in the family is built on the fact that the younger is instilled in obedience to the elders, and the elders are taught to take care of the younger. After completing a double school (obedience school and caring school), a child grows up to be a normal person - obedient and caring. In kindergarten, the child goes through a completely different school - the school of equality. All children have equal rights and responsibilities. Children learn to coexist without conflict: not to fight, not to quarrel. Not more! All this is in the family. But the kindergarten lacks the spirit of obedience and caring that permeates the family environment. If we prepared the child for the fact that he will never create families, live in dormitories all his life, never hold a commanding position and never be subordinate, then upbringing in kindergarten is quite acceptable. If we want to raise a future family man, then kindergarten is extremely harmful.

If we want to raise a real citizen, it is highly desirable to be brought up in a family. The whole society is organized hierarchically. There are bosses, there are subordinates. Everyone has their own rights and responsibilities, and everyone has their own responsibilities. It is in the family that the child absorbs the correct attitude towards the elders and the younger ones, and what he meets in adult life has already been mastered by him in childhood.

In kindergarten, all people are temporary. The teachers alternate according to a certain schedule, the children themselves are not tied to each other by anything other than children's friendship. Today we are friends, tomorrow we will quarrel. Children are not responsible for each other. In a family, children cannot live long in a quarrel, especially if they are small. This simply will not be allowed by parents, who will make peace with their children with all their might. Brother and sister remain close for life, and parents from early childhood teach them that a quarrel is a terrible and completely unacceptable event in their lives. In kindergarten, conflicts can have a completely different outcome: long-term resentment at each other, you can break up with a former friend, you can even transfer to another group or even kindergarten, etc.

Correct family hierarchy

The family is hierarchical, and this is very important, but education requires the correct hierarchy: father - mother - grandfather and grandmother - older brothers and sisters - I am the younger. Each member should have a place in this hierarchy. By the way, in the above diagram, grandfather and grandmother are in second place after their parents. This state of affairs takes place if the older generation has already grown old and has itself passed on seniority to its children. Ii heard the stories of older people that in old families there always came a moment when the aged head of the family called on his son and transferred his responsibilities to him.

This correct hierarchy should not be violated. If the wife comes first, it disfigures the family. We have already talked about this in our conversation about who is the head of the family. But there is another common distortion in modern families. It turns out that the child is often the unofficial head of the family. I will try to explain what I mean.

One Orthodox psychologist notes that a revolution took place in Soviet pedagogy in the 1950s. The well-known motto was announced to all of us: "All the best for children." We are so used to it that we do not doubt its justice. To explain to parents where their troubles with children are coming from, this psychologist asked the parents the question: "Who in your family gets the best piece?" - "Of course, a child" - the answer follows. And this is a sign that all relationships in the family are upside down. To begin with, the best pieces in the family should not be at all. The first and largest piece should go to the father. I will note again: not the best, but the first and the biggest. The second piece and a smaller one - for mothers, and then for everyone else - grandparents, and, finally, children. This has always been the case in families with a traditional Orthodox lifestyle. I often asked older people about the course of dinner in old families. I've heard something similar every time. A pot of soup was placed on the table. One for all! No better cuts, everyone ate from the same iron pot. Father was the first to eat; no one could reach him with a spoon for soup. At first, no one took meat from the soup. Finally, when all the slurry has already been drained, the father will knock once on the iron pot, and this was a signal that you can eat meat. No one spoke at the table, and until the end of dinner no one could leave the table without permission. This situation in Russian provincial families held until the end of the 1940s. Only at the beginning of the 50-ies in village families there are dishes for each family member. Before that, everyone had only their own spoon. If a wedding took place in the village, then the dishes for this were collected throughout the village.

One parishioner said that when their family first left Moscow for the whole summer for the village, she made many discoveries for herself. One day they returned home from the garden with a neighbor, a local resident. The first thing she did, as always, was to immediately cook on the table for the children in order to reinforce them after work. "What are you doing ?!" - the neighbor asks with surprise. "Like what? I feed the children. " - “You feed the man first! Here it gives! " Only then did this parishioner first think that the family should have a head of the family who should be respected, and that children should be taught to respect their father. The elementary rules of family life, which an ordinary country woman knew, were a revelation for a city woman who received a higher education, read a lot and considered herself a quite good wife.

In the parish where I took my first steps in church life (and in many other parishes as well), I almost always saw one picture. During the Communion, the children were the first to proceed, then the adults - both men and women interspersed. I considered it quite normal and correct. But once reading ancient church monuments, I came across a description of the order in which they approached Communion in the ancient Church. First, the clergy (singers, readers) received communion, then the laity: men, women, and only at the end - children. At first I was surprised: how is that ?! Keep the poor kids waiting! Later, surprise was replaced by the understanding that this is the only way it should be. By the way, very young children received Communion, apparently, not at the end, but simply in the arms of their fathers and mothers, starting Communion with them, and independent children, who do not need to be constantly held by the hand, really walked at the end. This must be so if we want to raise good children who know their place in life.

Why does the child in the family get the best piece? For being small? Then watch out, parents! The child very easily learns that he has certain privileges simply because he is small. Instead of growing up by the age of 16-17, modern guys only grow up by 25, and girls, who in past centuries sometimes got married at the age of 14, grow up only by the age of 20. Until the age of 17, parents pamper their child, and then they wonder why their son does not want to earn a living, and everything continues to demand help from parents as a matter of course. Moreover, physically, maturation begins at the age when it should be: a girl is physiologically capable of becoming a mother, a guy is physiologically capable of becoming a father. But they are not ready for this mentally.

The child should have no privileges, no special rights that would elevate him above his parents. He must know his place in the family. The child should have clear ideas about the hierarchy in the family: "father - mother - grandfather and grandmother - older brothers and sisters - I am younger brothers and sisters." If, for 17 years, a child or already a teenager constantly absorbs: “I have the best piece, because I am small. I don't have to work in the garden because I'm small. I can not help my mother, because I am small and still do not know how to sweep, ”- such an attitude to the world around him will remain until the end of his life. At first he is small because he does not go to school yet. Then he is small, because he is still in school. Then he is small, because he is just studying at the institute. Further, he is still small because he is a young professional. And all this time a person demands special privileges for himself because he is small.

Of course, one must take into account the age of the children and not demand from him what he is not yet capable of doing, but there should not be free privileges.

Link between generations

You've probably heard stories about Mowgli children who grew up among beasts. There are several such cases, and the most important thing is that it was practically impossible to return these children to the human way of life. To educate a person requires a human environment, a wolf grows up in a wolf environment. I would add the following: for the upbringing of an adult, the environment of adults is needed. The current child is immersed in the children's environment of his peers, or simply the children's environment - kindergarten, school, children's camp. Contact between children and adults is extremely limited. But after such upbringing, one should not be surprised at the infantilism of children, wonder why they grow up so slowly. They are used to being children. When a child is brought up in a family, then from constant communication with adults he absorbs an adult attitude towards life. We have already talked about this a little.

To educate an adult requires a strong connection between generations. As soon as we weaken the connection between generations (by giving the redenk to kindergarten, school, etc.), then a huge experience accumulated over hundreds of years will be lost, and each new generation will begin to reinvent the wheel. The whole way of life of the modern family practically destroys the connection between generations. The father spends all day at work away from the family. This is the first blow to the family. How do children see their parents? Tired father came home from work, he lies down on the sofa and begins to read the newspaper. What does my eldest son start to do when I come home tired and immediately try to rest? He lies down next to the sofa or on the floor and starts to go crazy (I can't find another word). This is how he imitates adults. I have to force myself to get up and start doing something so that my son does not get used to idleness.

Previously, there was no such gap between generations. 90% of the total population were peasants. The father worked either at home or close to home, and the children from an early age participated in all the work. The child absorbed hard work from an early age. They began to work already at the age of 4. Boys often helped their fathers in the fields, girls helped their mothers around the house. Recently I saw in a newsreel footage, taken even before the revolution, of a five or six-year-old boy driving a horse alone and harrowing the ground. Let's remember the same Nekrasov, about the "little man with a fingernail." But the link between generations was not only in the peasantry. Merchants often had their own shops in their own homes, and again children learned from childhood to help their fathers run the household.

Once on a long-distance train, I talked for a long time with a woman doctor, who during the conversation said: “A good doctor can grow up only in the third or fourth generation. I teach at a medical institute and I see perfectly well that in the first generation a good doctor is a great rarity. " As an example, she cited her friends - hereditary doctors. “There is a special atmosphere, where the child knows all medical terminology from childhood, because parents often discuss their problems. Already in the middle grades, he easily owns all kinds of medical reference books and encyclopedias. Already in the last grade of school, he is a ready paramedic, although he has not yet received any medical education. But the most important thing is that he has already absorbed a caring attitude towards sick people, which he has adopted from his parents. "

I would like to draw your attention to the fact that only 3-4 generations can gain experience. For example, godly kings were raised over several generations. As a rule, a wise ruler was one who, from childhood, was initiated into all the internal and world problems of the state, who saw his parent making decisions, saw what these decisions lead to after many years. Such a ruler, as a rule, is an order of magnitude wiser than a person who came to power on the principle "from rags to riches." And this is also because earlier the kings were responsible for their people and for their decisions until the end of their lives. A country changing rulers is like a woman changing her husbands, while the head of the family - the husband - must be alone for life. No wonder the wedding to the kingdom even outwardly resembles the Sacrament of the wedding of spouses. In both cases, responsibility is assumed for life.

Most women now work. If a mother goes to work, leaving her family, then this is the second and most severe blow to the family. At one of the seminars on parenting, a representative of the juvenile affairs department shared her observation. While only the father drinks in the family, the children are still normal and the family cannot yet be called dysfunctional. But if the mother also drinks down, then the children will definitely fall into the category of difficult, and the family - into the category of dysfunctional. Something similar can be said about all families. When the father left the family for work, this is not the worst thing, but if the mother leaves the family, then the family is completely destroyed. Dad at work, mom at work, children in kindergarten or school all day long. Where is the family? You can answer: in the evening, everyone gets together, on weekends, too, all together. But what is the typical goal for adults in the evening and on weekends? In most cases, the goal is one - to rest. And children often run away for a walk or sit with friends at this time. Each generation grows by itself. Why do many children now have mental abnormalities? Because the family, which has always been a strong shield, protection for a child's soul, has been destroyed. Instead of a cozy house - one ashes.

But how is the experience of life transmitted from one generation to the next? This experience is passed, as a rule, through joint work. A father works with his son, and he absorbs with all the fibers of his soul the father's attitude to life. Not conversation, not instruction, but only joint activities.

We encountered this problem in Sunday school in our church. We, adults, have experience of church life, children, who for the most part came to us from non-church families, have a desire to share this experience. But the churching of children is very difficult - after all, we are not parents and cannot live with them. And the effectiveness of studying according to the Law of God is very low. After all, what is an hour or two a week in a child's life when he and his friends run down the street for three or four hours every day? Of course, the street takes a much more important place in his life. Classes according to the Law of God are necessary, but they bring significant benefits only if the whole family is a believer, children are brought up in a church spirit and classes are held to help parents to give children systematic knowledge about God and the Church, which not every parent can do. And it turns out that the only place where we really, somehow could introduce children to the experience of church life, was the children's summer labor camp. We went to one of the villages for two weeks, set up a tent camp near the temple and lived, doing everything with our own hands as much as possible. Only here, when we were with the children side by side, all 24 hours a day, when they lived and worked with us, there was a real grinding of characters and a real transfer of life experience.

In the meantime, modern children grow up in their generation, without communicating with their elders, they "cook in their own sauce" and, as a rule, in a rather "rotten" one.

The problem of fathers and children, in my opinion, arose exclusively in the 18th-19th centuries, since then, when family foundations in the highest circles of society began to be upset. I have before my eyes families who work on the land. Children in these families are the first helpers, and I have not seen any conflicts between fathers and children that are common in our life. One modern writer very correctly writes that there are two ways of life: urban and rural. In the village, parents need children because they need helpers. Labor in the countryside is not so skilled, and children can also help adults well - all that is required is diligence, hard work, patience, etc. All these properties are brought up by the village way of life. Everything is different in the city, there is industrialization. Namely, industrialization destroys the family especially strongly, since now more and more highly qualified highly specialized labor is required. And if earlier it was possible to take a young son to the field to help plow the land or mow the grass, now you cannot take your son to a nuclear power plant and you cannot put your son next to a machine with numerical control. And now my daughter will not help her mother with accounting at the enterprise. High qualifications completely reject the opportunity for the son to stand next to the father, and the daughter next to the mother. Children are only a hindrance to a highly qualified specialist.

Children are small adults

Young people are growing up very slowly these days. Adolescent infantilism is also deeply rooted in our way of life and the way we think about children. Earlier, life forced children to be taught to work from about 4 years of age. From the age of 7, all children began to confess, that is, they already learned to take responsibility for each of their actions. From a fairly early age, the child was viewed as a person preparing to become an adult. And his tothis was purposefully prepared.

Indeed, a child should be looked at as a small adult. The principle of education in our time can be very clearly formulated in the words of one modern song: "Dance while you are young." While the child is small, he is allowed a lot. This leads to the fact that even a twenty-year-old dildo mommies will continue to groom and cherish. And to force a child to work at 4-5 years old, it is almost inconceivable: "He's still small!"

And when suddenly experts remember the general backwardness of children, they begin to artificially develop the child. Various educational programs and games are invented. But all this is a sign that children are clearly missing something even in normal families. And children receive less elementary communication with adults, but not child communication, but an adult. It is necessary that not parents condescend to the level of children and start running, jumping, jumping, building towers and Easter cakes, it is necessary that adults accept their children into their adult life. If a child is included in the life of adults, he will be developed! The modern child is included in the life of his peers, not adults.

In one school in Taldom there is a good poster in the teachers' room with the words: "Tell me - and I will forget, show - and I will remember, do with me - and I will learn." It seems to me that all parents need to write these words in large letters in their apartment. Indeed, if a child knows that his mother works somewhere in a factory and is a leader in production, this does not mean that he will grow up to be hardworking. If he sees with his own eyes how his mother is constantly working, washing the dishes, cleaning the house, washing the laundry, this is good, but does not mean that he will be hardworking. It is necessary to wash the dishes with the child, clean the house with him, teach him to do the laundry (that is, introduce him to his adult life) - then there is a hope that he will be hardworking. A child can wash dishes as early as three years old. He is glad that he joins the life of adults. All children constantly imitate adults, only you need to give them the opportunity to show their desire in real work. We have acquaintances whose children sometimes come to visit us. Once we gave these children knives in their hands so that they would peel potatoes with us, and there was no limit to children's delight. They always wanted to learn how to peel potatoes as dexterously as their mother, but according to the same mother, they are still too young for this work. And then they were given the opportunity to work like adults. They began to come to us more often on purpose and ask for help. It turns out that parents are not afraid to send their children to all kinds of educational circles from three to four years old, and giving a child at three years old an unsharp knife to cut mushrooms for soup is already scary.

It all depends on the way of life of the family - it is necessary that the parents are constantly determined to bring up helpers. Modern moms and dads laugh and glee with delight when they see their lovely daughter dancing, imitating the pop stars seen on the TV screen. It is clear that in this case, the parents are determined to raise a pop singer, and not an assistant to themselves. Children feel very well what their parents like and what needs to be done to please them.

My grandfather married my grandmother when she was 14 years old. He took her far south, where he looked after a good piece of land when he served in the army. At the age of 14, she was a full-fledged hostess in the house. With proper upbringing at this age, girls are already quite capable of independently managing the entire household and are internally ready for motherhood. By the way, even now village girls aged 12-13 are already wonderful housewives.

The parents of a little girl should strive to bring up a girl who, at the age of 14, will be a completely independent mistress. How can this be achieved? It seems to me that it is very important not to waste time. Every parent needs some very basic knowledge. Indeed, in the development of a child there are certain stages when certain abilities are formed in him. They are well known to psychologists. Unfortunately, even basic knowledge of child developmental psychology is not taught at school, although all this knowledge will be extremely useful for almost everyone. After all, the overwhelming majority of today's schoolchildren will become parents.

For example, if a coach leads a basketball section, then he must know that the accuracy of the throw depends on the fine coordination of movements. This coordination is formed at the age of 12-14. This means that if a child came to the section already at the age of 15, then he will never have a good throw, since the time when his muscles were formed, the nerve endings that are responsible for the accuracy of the throw have already been missed. By the way, it is at this age that labor education begins in schools. It is important to have time at this stage to teach the child to hold a hammer, saw, screwdriver in his hands. Although the child should have learned to work with them even earlier, it is at this age that he develops the ability to delicate and graceful work, and it is at this age that you can bring up a master of his craft, who will have everything “burning in his hands”. It is at this age - from the age of 12 - that children are sent to an art school, because they become able to convey their idea with an elegant movement of a pencil or brush. And this ability is associated not only with the development of muscles, but also with the development of mental strength, the emergence of the ability to see the beauty of the product, the ability to perceive harmony.

There is also a certain stage in the development of the child when the very habit of work is formed. This is about 4-6 years old. It is at this age that one must begin to accustom the child to work. Of course, the child's ability must also be taken into account. He really is not yet capable of long and diligent painstaking work. But the child should already know what labor is. He must have certain responsibilities around the house. If you miss this age, then it will be practically useless to accustom the child to work. He, probably, will be able to make some thing very beautiful, but he will not love the work itself and will not do such beautiful things.

At two and a half or three years old, for example, it is too early to send a child to the store for bread. He just doesn't know how to control his feelings yet. For example, he will meet a cat on the way and that's it: he will run after her, forgetting about some kind of store. If the child wants to jerk his legs in bed, then you cannot force him not to jerk his leg. He has nowhere to put his energy, and he does not control himself, even though you will beat him with a belt or beat him with your hand on a soft spot. A minute after the punishment, the legs will begin to jerk again. But after three years, the child develops the ability to control his desires. Before him there will be a desire to run after the cat, but he can already overcome one desire and fulfill another - to reach the store. The child gradually becomes responsible for the assigned task. This new ability must develop, therefore, from the age of four, it is necessary to accustom the child to some of his constant duties around the house. Otherwise, the time to instill in him hard work and responsibility will be lost.

When a child grows up, he can and should be involved in the correct planning of his life. Once I heard the story of a still elderly woman about how she teaches her granddaughter. When the granddaughter begs the grandmother for a long time to make some serious purchase (tape recorder, clothes, etc.), the grandmother does the following. She buys a thing, but not just, but takes it out on credit. When after a while the granddaughter has a new desire to buy something, the grandmother answers her: “Wait. Remember we bought a tape recorder with you? We haven't paid for it yet. Now we are saving money to pay off. And when we pay off this purchase, then we will buy a new thing. " So the granddaughter from childhood learns to plan her costs and measure her desires and capabilities. Since childhood, this granddaughter is devoted to the life of adults and participates in it, acquiring the skills of making decisions and taking responsibility for them.

Mercenary (mismanagement)

Modern civilization has created its own economic system. The main direction of modern industry is the creation of powerful large-scale industries, where the lowest cost of goods is achieved. All this requires a narrow specialization of labor - some factories prepare dowels, others cogs, and still others collect dowels with cogs into a single mechanism. With such a system of management, we ourselves become cogs of a huge mechanism. Industrialization has practically supplanted subsistence farming. Everyone perceives this as a kind of good achievement of civilization. Subsistence farming, when a person did everything with his own hands - and plowed, and mowed, and chopped down the house - seems irrevocably outdated.

But this achievement is not good in everything. The modern industrial way of life is corrupting society from the inside, and most of all corrupting the family. The man should be the head of the family. He always was like that before. He was both the head of the family and the master in his land and in his home. Now man has become a mercenary, not a master. The reasoning is quite probable: “I came to the plant, worked from now on, and went home. And at night he even explode, I will suffer little. It is a pity, of course, that you have to look for a new job, and so, generally speaking, it's okay, you can survive. In the event of a disaster, the state must still give me a job somewhere. "

Such an environment practically kills responsibility in the older generation. If it does not kill immediately, then gradually. At least the fact that it does not help this responsibility to develop at all. What does it mean to be responsible? If I don’t sow today, then tomorrow my children and I will have nothing to eat. If I don’t feed my cattle, it will die in a few days. That is, life itself taught one to responsibility, to a master's attitude, because a person was the master of his business. Much has changed in the modern way of life. Let the agronomist think about when and how much to sow. Let the zootechnician keep an eye on how to feed the cattle: “My business is small, they told me - I will do it, but to get on the rampage myself - no, thank you”.

The loss of a master's attitude, that is, mercenary activities, disfigures the middle generation, and, naturally, is passed on to the younger generation. A wise, responsible attitude to life is brought up over several generations, and it can be lost very easily and quickly.

A private farm, a small family business - this is the most favorable atmosphere for bringing up the now-lost attitude to life. Of course, the subsistence economy cannot be returned, but I urge you not to especially admire the achievements of civilization, but to remember what you have to pay for these achievements. If the choice is very clear: "What is more important to you: the fruits of civilization or a strong family?" - I will definitely choose a strong family.

Let me remind you that the industrial way of life also breaks the link between generations, we talked about this quite recently.

Lack of ideology

All of the above parties took place during the Soviet period. After perestroika, new phenomena appeared, distorting the old way of life even more.

One of the most important features of modern life is the absence of any state or even generally recognized ideology. Attempts to teach the Christian worldview after a long period of atheism are often perceived as attempts by priests to drag more people into churches to fill their pockets. It is no longer possible to return to communist ideology after all that is told to us about the atrocities of the Bolsheviks.

But education without ideology is practically unthinkable. You can even say that ideology is the system of upbringing (for both adults and children). Ideology assumes the presence of ideals (heroes, examples from life, worthy of imitation), moral norms (what is good and what is bad) and a hierarchy of values \u200b\u200b(for example, public interests are higher than personal ones). Ideology as a system of upbringing can also be Christian if the state begins to educate the younger generation on the example of Christian martyrs and ascetics, takes the commandments of God as moral norms and focuses on the Christian hierarchy of values \u200b\u200b(for example, “Seek first of all the Kingdom of God, and the rest will be added to you ").

Even if you are not yet ready to fully adhere to the Christian way of life and raise children on the example of Orthodox saints. But I would like everyone in the class here to remember that if there is no ideological attitude in your family, then beware. The tree grows slender if it reaches for the sun. Deprive it of its light source and it will be ugly. The soul of the child requires examples to follow. If you do not give them to the child or do not follow what is offered to the child as an ideal, then he will not imitate what you wanted. The child should be literally surrounded by images and examples that you find useful. Russian fairy tales, good old Soviet films and cartoons - this is what can fill a child's soul with beautiful, kind and wise images.

Any vivid image leaves a deep trace in the child's soul. If you allow to watch everything on TV, then it's not far from trouble. The child absorbs everything, especially he remembers the behavior of adults and imitates them. If a child sees in an advertisement on TV how a company of healthy men is jumping for joy when a box of beer falls from the sky, then he will remember that when the word “beer” one has to jump and rejoice. If a child sees on TV how healthy men goggle at a passing miniskirt and wink with the air of connoisseurs, he will look at the legs of his classmates at school and wink with his friends. This will be the norm of his behavior.

Now some, and maybe even most, parents believe that a child should know all aspects of life. “Let the child know everything! Otherwise, he will grow up in hothouse conditions, come out into life, meet the truth of life and will not stand the tests that have fallen on him. " Or another person would argue with me and say: “Well, I will forbid him to watch TV, but he will come to his friends and watch, with his mouth open, what is not allowed at home. It is better to let everything look at home, but we will know what is happening to him. And the forbidden fruit is always sweet! "

There are three points to note about this line of reasoning. Firstly, the task of education is, of course, not in prohibitions. As one hieromonk told me, the task of upbringing is to develop a child's taste and understanding of what is good and what is bad. To make it unpleasant for the child to watch a bad movie. Secondly, in order for the child to evaluate himself, he must first be given a sample from which he will count everything, with which he will compare. Therefore, it is very important that in early childhood the child is spiritually nourished only from pure sources. For example, if such masterpieces of Soviet animation as "The Scarlet Flower", "Buratino", "The Frog Princess", "The Little Humpbacked Horse", filmed in the 40s-60s, will surround a child, then a modern cartoon with fights and massacre the child will clearly appreciate it as bad and will not want to watch it himself. In one family we saw how children immediately call their parents when they see on the screen something modern and energetic, unusual for them. They immediately sense that there will be some kind of cruelty, and ask their parents to turn off the TV quickly.

I am not afraid that my child will grow up as a pampered creature who grew up in greenhouse conditions. Quite the opposite is true: only by protecting a child from films that destroy his psyche, can he be raised strong. When we plant a tree, we understand that it will not immediately become powerful and strong. As long as it is small, it can be easily crushed, broken, pulled out of the ground, or finally bent so that it grows crooked. But 10-15 years will pass, and it will not be broken. So is the human soul. If the soul has always aspired to Heaven, then the person will live honestly and simply. If a human soul was broken by sins in childhood, then a trace from this will also be for life. So if you “temper” the soul and nervous system of a child with the sight of blood and murder, then in fact his heart will simply coarse, and at the sight of real pain it will not be noticed. And if suddenly the parents feel bad, then the heart of their beloved "hardened" child will be silent, and not a drop of pity or compassion will be found in this heart.

Upbringing involves the creation of a certain hierarchy of values \u200b\u200bin a person. Without this hierarchy, it is impossible to assess the situation and make a decision. For example, a journalist is asked to write a false article for a decent fee. If conscience comes first in his hierarchy of values, he easily rejects the offer. This is a normal, honest person. If he has money in the first place, he easily agrees. This is an outright villain. What if a person has no principles? This will be a completely unprincipled and therefore very dangerous person. In a sense, he is worse than an outright villain, because you do not know what to expect from him.

One modern theologian put it like this. Not giving a child any morality is like not teaching a person a language. There are parents who say: “I don’t want to make a choice for a child, let him grow up and choose faith himself.” But then let these parents be consistent and not choose the language for their child, let him grow up and choose for himself which language to speak: French, English or Chinese. “No, no, what are you, otherwise he will grow up underdeveloped. How is it not to teach the language ?! " - parents will be indignant. And without giving the child any faith, we raise him morally underdeveloped. At a time when norms of behavior and ideas about what is good and what is bad should form in his soul, his parents decided to keep silent about it.

If in Soviet times the school was engaged in ideology, then the modern education system now deals only with bare information, the sum of knowledge. “Knowledge is power” is a deeply false slogan. Not only the fact itself is important, but also its assessment. And in order to evaluate something, you need a scale, a starting point, the amount of knowledge will help nothing here. We need a system of values: what is good and what is bad.

The substitution of values \u200b\u200bis gradually taking place: professionalism is valued higher than decency, kindness, honesty. The new generation is chasing professionalism, but it's scary. A person's happiness for 90%, if not more, depends on his family, on how he can arrange his house, what kind of situation there will be. Modern parents are preparing children for the future life by arranging for him to enter a prestigious university. Wouldn't it be better to raise a humble, hardworking person who will stand firmly on his feet even during cataclysms? Professionalism does not bring happiness. Many people who have achieved remarkable success in work, but have not saved their family because of this, at the age of 40–45 suddenly face a rather terrible question: why do I need all this? Who got better from this?

And I would like to note one more consequence of the fact that we have no ideology. It is the presence of the targeted corruption of the younger generation. It seems to me that a lot has already been said about why this is scary for every person. A corrupted child will never be a good citizen. The child does not yet know how to cope with strong impressions and incipient passions. And now, after perestroika, the child has been under pressure from the very childhood from the whole entertainment and food industry, and at an older age - sexual corruption. As long as this industry continues, there is no hope of raising a good generation. Dear children, when you grow up, do everything so that no one can corrupt your children in our country.

Conclusion

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