Love is not an abstract category. It is expressed in actions, words, emotions. A close relationship is not only about kissing, sighing, and playing love, but also a test of how to reckon with each other. This is a living energy that unites two people, flowing from one partner to another. Therefore, the question is - what do partners give to each other? - very important.

If you do not return energy to your partner in the form of love, your loved one will simply fizzle out and feel lonely next to you, and you risk being indifferent and selfish in the eyes of your partner.

If you express love too violently, a loved one may lose a sense of the value of the feeling directed at him. And maybe even worse - an excessive demonstration of love will be perceived as importunity or a desire to oblige a partner, to bind him with excessive guardianship of the arms and legs.

If his share gets negative emotions in the form of criticism, ridicule, reproaches and suspicions, and the relationship is constantly tense and fraught with unpleasant moments - attraction to you will weaken, feelings will dull, and love may cool down, but the relationship threatens to turn into a sad habit of “putting up with shortcomings " living together. And then the real problem requiring joint discussion and solution will not be heard or will be perceived as your next boring notation.

In a love union, oddly enough, it is not hot passions and violent impulses that are important, but the "golden mean". This applies to everything: the emotions evoked from each other, and sex, and care, and communication. An overdose of love ardor and attention brings fatigue and a desire to withdraw, and a lack - causes a feeling of abandonment, unnecessary suspicion and irritation. How to keep the warmth of the relationship and mutual confidence in each other? How to find the "middle ground"?

Remember: showdown is a conflict zone... Therefore, when trying to resolve misunderstandings or misunderstandings between you, do not do it in the bedroom when your partner is absorbed in completely different thoughts and is carried away by completely different goals. Do not arrange "debriefing" in a state of alcoholic intoxication, or the next morning after heavy libations, do not "itch" when a loved one is physically unwell. You should not start a conversation with loud music on, or when your partner is busy with something, or, for example, during football on TV. The environment during such serious conversations should be free from urgent matters, calm, and nothing should divide or distract you from each other. For example, a comfortable joint tea-drinking with delicious "buns" at the table can become a "testing ground" for sorting things out. Think that your love and good mood of a loved one is much more important than partial discomfort caused by temporary inconsistencies - and on this positive wave, start talking about the painful one.

Do not hold grudges in yourself, do not hide problems that you yourself cannot solve, do not keep silent about what irritates you or about a loved one. But also do not turn communication into endless reproaches, complaints, irrepressible criticism. It is better to calmly, at a convenient moment, discuss the causes and symptoms of discomfort in the relationship. During such a conversation, one should try to "not overstep", distance from emotions, be as brief as possible, not rant about the partner's shortcomings, and in no case be malicious.

A confidential conversation, built in the form of a dialogue, will bring much more sense than a tragicomic performance - a monologue in your performance or a list of claims - from the manner of dressing to mistakes in behavior. Try to get rid of imperative verbs and annoying recommendations in speech: what, how and when to do it. Focus your attention on the question - why does the partner act or looks like this?

Also try to be modest when dealing with friends or family. Complete disregard for them on your part will be perceived as insulting indifference, and the desire to "get in the eyes" and please everyone indiscriminately - as insincerity and vulgar coquetry. Communicating with friends, parents, relatives, showing attention to them, constantly keep your precious "half" in sight and attention. At the same time, try to restrain the impulses to prove to everyone around you how you love your chosen one or your chosen one, to demonstrate publicly how dear your partner is. Agree, conspiratorial "secrets", frank looks, intimate hints, persistent "" in the presence of friends or parents will be misunderstood by them, make them feel superfluous and slightly humiliated, cause unconscious jealousy. In a partner, this can provoke feelings of shame, awkwardness and embarrassment. In any case, such behavior will bring irritation and unpleasant tension.

Do not be afraid to confess privately to your loved one about fears about his behavior, but in no case do not make public remarks or reminders of past “sins”. Do not be ironic in the presence of strangers about the past "mistakes" and do not remind of past grievances. Never discuss your partner "behind the eye", even with the best intentions - neither with his friends nor with his relatives. And even more so, talk about your partner “in the third person” in his presence, even if you have a desire to be touched and “touch” about him in order to please those who are connected with him by friendship or family ties.

Never set conditions, do not present ultimatums, do not put your partner before a choice: “either me or my mother (friends, relatives)”, “or smoking or kissing”, and so on. Connections and bad habits appeared before you emerged in the life of a loved one. And believe me, having chosen a life together for himself, he dreamed less that as a result of such a choice he would have to completely change his life, give up what previously brought him pleasure or little everyday joys. Don't overhang!

At the same time, you should not mindlessly close your eyes to the liberties in your presence - for example, unrestrained flirting with girlfriends or friends, mate in conversation, too prolonged friendly gatherings, too frequent drinking. Try to gently but convincingly make it clear to your partner that you cannot be ignored, and you are not just an “addition” to him, but a completely independent person, claiming at least a certain amount of attention and respect.

Do not overload your partner with your problems, do not run to him with petty complaints, do not discuss with him all incidents with your friends and girlfriends, do not tug on him on every trifle matter, demonstrating your deliberate inconsistency and helplessness. At the same time, you should not "pull on" joint responsibilities and solve problems that were not created by you. You need to cope with the difficulties of everyday life, with financial issues together, and make decisions together, after consulting and finding a compromise.

The "golden mean" in a relationship will bring balance and confidence to both. In a relationship, the main thing is not to pass over, your partner should feel a reliable and safe "rear", because he has no other "rear" except you. And with the right attitude, it will not appear ...

Every day an adult has to make dozens of decisions. The ability to make choices is the most important human quality. You have probably met with indecisive people who think for a long time before making even a trivial choice. If you want to grow a full-fledged and independent personality out of a child, it is very important to teach your child to choose. Then he will learn to quickly and correctly make decisions and adequately relate to his own mistakes.

How to cultivate determination in a child

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When and how should a child be taught to choose?

This should be done from infancy. And the first step for parents is to learn to respect the child's choice. Even babies have their own preferences. He decides for himself when and how much to sleep, when to eat, which rattle to play for the next few minutes. Perhaps this choice is still unconscious and unreasonable, but, nevertheless, it is very important.

The ability to choose should be trained even when the baby has grown a little. At the age of 2-3 years, children make an informed choice of products, toys, gifts. A 5-6 year old kid can make a more serious choice. Going with him to the store, invite him to choose something for himself within a predetermined amount. And to make his choice reasonable and balanced, from a very early age ask him to tell why he chose this and not the other.

Don't assume that your child will be able to tell you their preferences right away as soon as they learn to dialogue. This skill needs to be trained. And be prepared to respect both the child's choice and his explanations, no matter how silly they seem to you. Do not criticize the kid, otherwise next time he will simply refuse to explain his choice to you.

Decision making is part of the growing up process. The child must learn to decide whether he wants to do something or not. But it is still not worth offering too much for a choice. What if the child decides that they need to brush their teeth only once a week? Or wants to put on a New Year's costume for kindergarten every day. That is why you should offer your child several options from carefully selected by you. Ask him to choose when he brushes his teeth: before bedtime reading or after. Or, offer two dishes for dinner at the discretion of the little one.

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Does the child need it?

There are parents who do not recognize that children (especially small ones) have the right to choose, because they are sure that mom or dad should decide everything for the baby. Thus, adults are pushing the bar to maturity. Some believe that the child should be recognized the right to choose when he enters school, while others - and even when he graduates from this school. As a result, driven, dependent and insecure people grow up who are completely unable to make a choice. They do not choose friends, wife, or job, but only wait for someone else to do it for them. This is how their life is defined.

There are also those parents who do not want to let the child go from under their influence at all. At the same time, adults are sure that they are doing what is best. But deciding everything for the child, they bring him only harm. After all, a person who did not learn to make a choice in childhood simply cannot find his place in life.

That is why, as the child grows up, it is necessary to increasingly give him the right to make a choice. At the same time, always tell your child about the choice options in front of him, and you will see that a 4-5 year old baby is already choosing not only sweets.

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Help your child make a choice

Sometimes a child's feelings are so mysterious that even he himself cannot explain them. He does not remember what he felt half a minute ago, he does not know what he will feel in half an hour. Therefore, choices that seem completely insignificant to adults can be very difficult for a child. For example: "Will you go with your mom to the market or stay with your dad at home?" The child is confused: he wants to be there and there at the same time. But, nevertheless, the decision in this case must be made by him himself, and not by any of the parents. After all, decision making is an integral part of personality development.

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Choosing clothes together

For a baby 3-6 years old, choosing clothes is a daily problem. A familiar question: "Mom, what should I wear?" or "Mom, where are my things?" And there are exclamations: “I don’t want to wear this!”. To avoid this, allow your child to choose their own clothes. After all, this is connected not only with the development of a sense of style, but also with the desire for self-expression. Let the child decide in the evening what he will wear in the morning.

If your child does not like to choose between two options, provide a wider choice. And so that he does not have the idea of \u200b\u200bputting on a New Year's suit or summer shorts, just remove all smart things and clothes that are out of season.

Regardless of how you decide to organize the process of choosing clothes, make sure that the baby is comfortable with it. It is much easier for a small child to deal with buttons than with a zipper, it is easier to fasten shoes with Velcro than to tie the laces.

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About choice and pseudo-choice

The science of choice has its own tricks. So, many psychologists advise replacing the choice with a pseudo-choice. For example, a three-year-old doesn't want to get dressed. Mom invites him to choose which T-shirt to wear: gray or blue. But it also happens that these two options equally do not suit a little whim. Pseudo-choice should be given only when it is clearly seen that it is just a whim. But if the baby has a clear desire that has a reason, do not dismiss the child by offering him a pseudo-choice. And be prepared for the fact that he will not soon fall for the bait and say that he does not need either one or the other.

Try to listen to your child's opinions and desires. So, if he stubbornly refuses to eat, sleep, walk, pay attention to his health and psycho-emotional state. By forcing a child to do something, you risk harming him.

Thus, if you want to raise an independent and responsible person for your actions, from an early age teach your child to make a choice. Believe me, over time he will be able to explain the motives of his actions, but while he is small, just respect his preferences.

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What about older children?

Everyday life, every day putting before us a choice, throws up more and more temptations. An adult, and he does not always know how to act correctly, what can we say about a child! It is important for parents to be in the right place at the right time to help the child make the right choice. To help, not to make this choice for him. At the same time, do not overdo it, this can cause a storm of protest in a teenager.

Marketing services of retail chains scatter advertisements and all kinds of promotions in order to attract buyers and make a profit. It is a teenager who can become a victim of advertising. Like each of us, for sure, more than once fell into the advertising bait and purchased at a "promotional price" a product that, as it turned out later, is absolutely unnecessary. And if the first reaction was joy and satisfaction, later comes the realization that the money was wasted. And if an adult does not always manage to cope with such a temptation, a child is even more unable to do it.

To teach your child to make a choice among the abundance of goods and avoid wasteful spending, before going to the store, involve your son or daughter in making a list of necessary goods. Let the child feel responsible in making decisions. Take with you exactly as much money as you need for the items on the list. Remember that children are simple-minded and naive. And if the publisher of your favorite magazine with an attachment “unobtrusively” suggests “Collect the whole collection !!!”, the child will not even think about not collecting it. Parents will have to buy sometimes quite expensive magazines on a weekly basis. Before refusing a child in a purchase, clearly explain the inexpediency of the collection. But at the same time, respect the interest of the child, and if he can prove that he needs a collection and magazines, try to agree to the purchase.

It is very important to find a "middle ground" in order not to let this situation take its course. After all, modern manufacturers of children's products react with lightning speed to the appearance of new cartoon characters and release toys, comics and stickers in whole series. Children dream of getting everything at once. Many parents, thinking that if they refuse to buy a child, he will be the most unhappy in the world. This is not true. Children's attention switches very quickly, and if you manage to distract the child, in a few minutes he will not remember what he asked with tears a few minutes ago.

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Choosing the right life values

Life values \u200b\u200bthat correspond to generally accepted moral norms will help the child not to make a mistake with a choice in a disputable situation. It is in the power of parents to instill in their child moral values. What is needed for this?

• Teach your child with examples from your own life. Children really enjoy listening to true stories on the topic “When my mother was little ...”. Weaving moral dilemmas into the story is considered to be the best way to give the right guidelines in life. You can also use fairy tales for educational purposes. Believe me, life stories and fairy tales are much more effective than teachings and lectures.
• Never deviate from your own life principles. What has been said must be done without fail. After all, children learn everything by imitating adults (first of all, their parents). Never allow your child to be ashamed of you. Always stick to your stated priorities.
• Teach your children your own religion, faith. The moral principles of religion can be an additional hint for the child and help in making the right decision.
• Always be aware of who is around your child and can influence him. Each person who spends time with him, in any case, leaves a mark on your child's worldview. Therefore, it does not hurt to familiarize yourself with the moral principles of the people around you.

Elena Kaspirkevich

What is it? Something in the middle - gray, mediocre, mediocre? But why then GOLD?

Reasoning ?!

Two women met and complain about one another.

The first says: “My husband is such a curmudgeon, such a curmudgeon! He saves all the money. He gave me flowers only for the first date. I completely forgot about gifts. Our products are the most modest - nothing superfluous: potatoes, vegetables, and milk! We don't go anywhere and we don't go to rest! Clothes to a minimum ...

And the other one says: “And my one is so wasteful, I'm already tired of persuading him! He constantly gives me gifts, both on holidays and on weekdays. He flooded me with bouquets. Says that I am worthy of the most beautiful diamonds and flowers. He loves to travel and have fun. We go somewhere every weekend and vacation ... We can't save up for anything! This is how we live with our parents.

Like this! Two sides of the same question - two extremes. There are situations in life when we want to do everything perfectly, spend a lot of energy and throw ourselves out. Sometimes this leads to unfortunate results. And looking back, we can conclude: "It would be better if I did nothing at all!"

There are many situations in life in which an extreme does not lead to the desired result. We need a balance.

In education, the GOLDEN mean rule is especially important!

For example: some parents use methods based on connivance in relation to the child. In this case, the child is left to himself, he is completely uncontrolled by adults. Its development takes place according to a spontaneous scenario, mainly under the influence of the street. In such children, mental retardation of the psychogenic type is more often observed. He often grows up unorganized, he has few useful habits. At the other extreme: parents control every step of their child, do a lot for him, give advice or criticize for any action. What does this lead to? The child grows up completely dependent, not independent. He does not develop self-control. He does not know how to achieve his goal. He chooses a life partner who controls his actions. Although the person himself may not like it, and he resists, scandalizes, but at the same time does not take an active position in life, but lives at the behest and in the role of a complainer. So a certain balance suggests itself here!

Take the relationship between a boy and a girl. At first, we dream of unlimited attention from the opposite sex. But when this attention becomes VERY much and it appears constantly, for a long time - we all start to avoid it! Relationship ends! More often with a lack of understanding of the side that was ready to "give everything for the sake of a loved one."

In psychology, one problem always has two extreme poles. As an example: You've probably noticed that overly neat parents can have a completely sloppy child. Attitude towards cleanliness. And under special conditions of development, the so-called frustrations appear in a person, which fix the problem in a certain type of behavior. It can be fixed both in one and in the opposite pole. Manic cleanliness and boundless slovenliness have the same root of the same problem. In the same way, we can talk about other behavioral manifestations of a person, accentuations of his character, relationships with each other and with himself.

Therefore, there are phenomena in life when a person rushes from one extreme to another. It's easy, just one step from love to hate! He does not remove the reasons for his inner experiences, he lives with the same problem (thinking that he has solved it) but only in its other pole !!!

Important! Rule, golden mean not always applicable. In the degree of perfection of mind, health, leadership qualities, ... the principle "the more the better." It does not apply to geometric parameters either.

The GOLDEN MIDDLE Rule fits well with the intensity parameters: very little - little - medium - a lot - very much, for example, cold - normal - hot, quiet - normal - loud, low - medium - high, etc. There are a lot of such parameters in the world.

And the greatest art is the ability to find the golden mean in human relations!

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We are used to dividing the world into good and bad, black and white, we easily go to extremes - from rise to fall, from euphoria to loss of strength, from anger to guilt, etc.

We were taught this way, so it is often very difficult for us to see semitones, find a way out of a problem situation, because for this we need to rise above it, see the situation in perspective, and in the emotional state that problems lead us to, we cannot do this ...

There are two extremes that lead us to the state of "no way out", de-energize us emotionally and exhaust us physically.

First extreme. Finding the Scapegoat.

Observe yourself - what is the first reaction to an unpleasant event for you, the behavior of another person, your own failure or mistake? Do you want to find someone to blame and unleash all your anger on him?

We are taught this from childhood. Remember:

The child hit the table leg. What is mom doing? She hits the table with her palm, saying: "Oh, you are not good, you hit our baby!" What is the conclusion of the child? "The table is to blame for my pain."

The child was hit by a neighbor's child, and the mother runs to defend her child, to sort it out and punish the other, and then she is indignant with her child by his behavior, and at the same time by the good manners of his parents.

Mom or Dad stepped on their feet in the trolleybus, and what does the child hear? "Where are you going, take your eyes off" or the same, but in a lighter form "Look under your feet, don't you see that people are standing next to you?"

Dad is overtaken by a dashing driver at the turn, and what is dad shouting after him? “Well, you are a goat! I bought a license, I didn't learn to drive! " The goat does not hear this, but the child learns it well, and a stable connection is formed in his brain “If I feel bad, someone else is to blame. I need to find this other and tell him everything that bothers me (preferably so that he does not hear and cannot answer me). "

A child, like a sponge, absorbs parental behavioral patterns without subjecting them to analysis, and then all his life subconsciously implements those scenarios that were learned from childhood, facing the same problems that his parents could not solve.

The scenario "someone else is to blame for my problem" is absolutely losing. Because in this case you start a war, you attack another person, you make him bad and yourself good.

And when you attack, what is the other person forced to do?

Defend, of course.

He either justifies himself and takes the blame, and with it your problem, and carries it on his shoulders. Or it attacks in response and starts blaming you. Whatever you want - the content is no longer important here, the main thing is to confuse the enemy, that is, you.

A temporary victory goes to the strongest, the one who has a louder voice and stronger emotions.

What happens after the war?

Devastation.

Not only the conquered, but also the victors mourn the dead, restore the destroyed.

In terms of human relations, after each such war, trust, sincerity and the desire to build something further slowly die.

Acting on the script of the scapegoat, we give ourselves the right to condemn, revenge and punish another person. Burning with righteous anger and believing ourselves to be right, we easily justify our ugly behavior towards someone we consider guilty:

We can scream;

We can be silent and not talk for days;

We stop doing something for him and wait for him to beg for forgiveness;

We load and load him with our negative emotions, wishing that his pain from us would at least come close to the pain that we experienced from him.

And at the same time, we are completely unaware of the fact that all the burden of guilt that we place on another will be on our shoulders, and everything that went from us towards the "guilty" will come back - we will find ourselves in the same situation , in the role of the same scapegoat. And already in relation to us they will use the whole arsenal of revenge.

Second extreme. "It's all my fault."

It is also a very common scenario that is born in childhood when parents:

They very actively scold the child for not meeting their expectations, not behaving the way they would like;

Many prohibit and control every step;

They accuse him of their problems - "because of you I could not arrange my personal life", "it is your fault that I am not appreciated at work, you are constantly sick", "you piss me off", "you are the reason for everyone my troubles ”,“ because of you dad left ”. A child hearing something like this unconditionally believes that he is the root of evil in the family.

They compare him with other children not in his favor - “look how Lenochka is doing well, her parents have no problems, and you ...”.

Thus, they form in the child a persistent sense of guilt in front of everyone and for everything, rewarding him with destructive programs in relation to himself.

Such a child will unconsciously act out the following scenarios in life:

"I am not worthy of happiness"

"I have to be good to everyone"

"I only bring problems to everyone, I don't need to live."

A woman with similar attitudes will attract dishonest men into her life who will scoff at her, accuse her of all sins, and hurt her.

A man with a guilt complex will not be able to realize himself in his career, they will be pushed around and given those tasks that no one wants to take on. He will be substituted and made guilty in all unpleasant situations.

And that's not all.

The moment will come when a person who has taken the blame for everything and everyone simply cannot carry it on, he will not have the strength to do so. And then he will drop it on those who are weaker, acting according to the scenario of finding a scapegoat.

These two extremes replace each other, one turns into the other and vice versa, completely exhausting a person, leading him to a state of fatigue and a complete inability to understand this life and love himself and other people.

We already know with you that extremes are not a method for solving a problem, that there is always a "golden mean" that helps to rise above extremes, see the situation from a bird's eye view, understand its origin and cause, and solve it.

It’s quite difficult to get used to, because you need to change your worldview, you must first understand the Laws of Love, the rules by which we live and develop this world, the world of God.

To come to the scenario of love, you need to understand that:

The world is just. This means that any situation that happens to us is aimed at our benefit, at our development. Any situation was created by God, with his knowledge and his decision, in order to help us understand that we have gone somewhere wrong. Or, on the contrary, to support you on the right path.

Each person bears personal responsibility for everything that happens to him - both good and bad.This means that I create all situations around me, all my environment, my family, my job, my income, my happiness by my own thoughts, actions, and deeds. If a person has little love inside, he will end up in a family in which he will not be put into anything, he will find the same environment, everyone will offend him, and in return he will want to be offended by the whole world. And you just need to understand that to improve the situation around you need to cleanse your heart, your soul from dirt.

Every person on our way is our Teacher. God has no hands of his own, and he can teach us love only with the help of other people. This means that each person who has brought us pain shows us our own imperfection. Understanding this law makes it pointless to find a scapegoat. Understanding this gives rise to a feeling of gratitude in the heart to the one who stepped on the foot - he thereby drew attention to our inner inharmonious state.

How I treat myself, so I will treat other people.If love does not live inside us, how can we give it to another person? We will only demand love from the other, causing him to desire to push us away, because no one wants to give and receive nothing in return.

I only get what I give. If you are filled with love, if you generously share it with people, then your life will be filled with harmony and happiness. If this does not happen, and life is going downhill, it means that the energy of love does not live in you, more claims, despondency, resentment and fears come from you, which return to you from other people.

Every minute, only the event that I need at that moment happens to me.And if this is a nuisance, then this is what I need. We want to control the world, we want only good things, and we are jealous of being patted on the head. Otherwise, we condemn, resent, or fall into despair. But a person cannot learn to love without difficulties and troubles, because they are the test for the amount of love in our heart. They managed not to condemn a homeless person and an alcoholic, received a portion of love in their hearts.

Understanding these laws, applying them in practice makes extremes unnecessary, leads a person to happiness and harmony. Because we can be happy in this world only when we live according to its laws, according to the laws of God, and not when we begin to establish our own rules and try to fit the whole world under them.

Lilia Ilyushina

The heroes of Russian folk tales are often led by fate to a crossroads, to a crossroads - to where lies a magic stone-sign overgrown with moss. And there is an inscription on it: "You will go to the right ... You will go to the left ... You will go straight ..." Following our path in life, we, like fairy-tale heroes, also sometimes face a choice - what to do? Which way to go? And our whole future life sometimes depends on what decision we make. How not to make a mistake and choose the right path?

“It can be very difficult for me to make a decision, to make a choice,” says Maria. “Probably, this is because I am very afraid of making mistakes and always looking for the best, the only The "correct" option. I endlessly weigh the pros and cons, ask friends and various competent people for advice, collect information. In the end, there is so much of this knowledge and other people's opinions that my head is spinning. And I just let everything take its course, and in the meantime, my "train" is leaving ... "

Faced with a choice, many of us act in the same way as Mary - relying on logic and common sense. We write down the possible options on a piece of paper and calculate the pros and cons for each. Or ask a friend for a hint. There is nothing wrong with that - it is quite a rational approach. The trouble is, it doesn't always work. And therefore, if you have weighed all the pros and cons, counted all the pros and cons, received a bunch of good advice, but did not come to an agreement with yourself - listen to the voice of your heart, to your intuition.

How the gods hid the truth

There is one eastern legend about how the gods created the world. They first created the sun, moon and earth. Then - the stars, seas and mountains ... Then they created man. And at the very end - the truth. Having created the truth, the gods thought: how to hide it more reliably - so that a person would not immediately find it (they wanted a person to work hard before comprehending the truth).

“Let's hide it on the highest mountain peak,” one god suggested.

“Better yet, on the most distant star,” said the second.

"In the darkness of the deep sea!", "On the far side of the moon!" - the third and fourth spoke.

Finally, the most ancient and wisest of the gods said: “No, we will hide it in the heart of man. And he will seek truth throughout the universe, not suspecting that he always carries it within himself. "

The cunning gods were not mistaken: sometimes we are ready to ask advice from anyone, but not from ourselves. Meanwhile, our best and most authoritative advisor is our own intuition. How do you hear her voice?

Listen to your body

Let's start with a simple one - with the intuition of the body, which is sometimes a better clue than logic and reason. So, imagine that you have to choose one of two options. Sit up straight and take a few deep breaths in and out. Formulate your question. For example: to go or not to go on a date; whether or not to move to a new job. Now imagine that your hands are the scales. Place them on the same level, palms up. On one bowl "put" one scenario, on the second - another. Close your eyes. Focus on your dilemma: imagine what will happen if you choose one option, and what if the other. Try to mentally weigh both situations and their consequences. Now open your eyes. Which hand outweighs? Probably, it is to this decision that you, deep down, are inclined.

In the stream

When we make this or that decision, we can feel either a surge in energy or its decline. Suppose that you have already made your choice - how do you feel about it? An influx of strength? Or, on the contrary - a heaviness on the soul? Did you feel better? Listen to yourself.

Usually, taking a step in the right direction, a person feels relief - as if a mountain has fallen from his shoulders, and he feels a rise in energy. Moreover, if we move in the right direction, the world around us becomes our ally and begins to help us! Difficult questions find a simple solution, the right people appear on our way, all doors open - as if fate is lighting us a green light. If this happens to you, you are in the stream. Use this!

But it also happens the other way around. We seem to need to go somewhere, but something stops us. We still make an effort on ourselves, but we immediately run into obstacles: we cannot find the key to the apartment, forget the piece of paper with the address, get on the wrong bus ... Nevertheless, we overcome all the obstacles and still find ourselves in the right place ... But it soon turns out that this did not bring us anything good. "I didn't want to come here from the very beginning!" - we say to ourselves, lamenting. But what is done is done ...

Sometimes such signs of fate not only warn against trouble, but also save a person's life. There are statistics that clearly show that the percentage of people who refused to travel or who missed a plane crashed usually increases.

Ask a question to the universe

The ancient Greeks were sure: the Universe has answers to any of our questions, you just need to be able to ask them correctly and listen carefully to the prompts. The inhabitants of the city of Farah had their own, special way to conduct a dialogue with the Higher powers. They used the statue of Hermes as an intermediary. We know him as the god of trade, but it turns out that Hermes was also "responsible" for luck, happy meetings and coincidences.

The man who wanted to know the answer to his question had to come late at night to the statue - the oracle that stood in the middle of the market square. And quietly, so that no one else would hear him, ask Hermes for advice. Then the questioner covered his ears and walked away. As soon as he left the market gate, he removed his hands from his ears and began to listen attentively to the surrounding voices and sounds. As a rule, the very first fragment of a casual conversation of strangers contained the answer to a burning question. Sometimes this answer sounded clear and obvious: “Yes”, “No”, “Wait”, “Don't rush”, “Come on quickly” ... And sometimes it seemed like an absolute gibberish, which still needed to be deciphered. Be that as it may, one thing is known: Hermes was never wrong!

Each of us can ask our question to the Universe, and for this it is not at all necessary to resort to the mediation of a market oracle.

1. Formulate the question clearly. Write it down on a piece of paper and put it in your purse or pocket. Now this piece of paper will need to be carried with you, from time to time taking out and re-reading - this way you will remain focused on the problem.

2. Set a time frame for receiving a response. You can do it like the ancient Greeks: ask a question, go out and focus on what is happening. The first words you hear, some remarkable event or something unusual that you meet along the way - may contain the answer to your question. And you can set other terms for yourself, for example, decide that you will wait for a response from the Universe for one, three, ten days ... As you wish!

3. During this time, be very attentive to everything that is happening around you. These can be random encounters, strange coincidences, unforeseen circumstances, conversations with people, and, of course, your dreams! All this, possibly, will carry some important information for you. The absence of signs of fate can also be regarded as a sign - if the Universe is not in a hurry with an answer, maybe you are rushing things too quickly? Or are you asking something other than what you really need?

The Power of the Ancestors Meditation

When our mind is silent, the body does not suggest anything, and the Universe does not send any special signs - you can try to get a hint from time immemorial. To do this, you need to turn to the power of your kind, to your ancestors. The following meditation will help with this. Stand in the middle of the room and pretend that you are the top of a large pyramid. Your parents are behind you, their parents are behind them, and so on. Now turn to face your ancestors. Feel how they look at you: benevolently, strictly, with support, love? Thank them for the gift you owe them - your life. And ask for strength and wisdom to make a decision. Now listen carefully to yourself - what did your ancestors answer you? Perhaps they gave you some kind of order, or maybe they gave you a gift. Ponder what does it mean?

Ground yourself

If you need to make an urgent decision and you don't know what to do, first, ground yourself. Have you noticed that when we are very anxious or do not know what to do, it can be difficult for us to stand still? We do not find a place for ourselves: we jump up, walk, run, rush, fuss ... But it is at such moments that we simply need to “find solid ground under our feet”, to feel the connection with the ground - the source of stability, reliability, inviolability ... So, put your feet on shoulder width, press your foot fully into the floor and stand there for a few minutes. During this time, try to get rid of worrying thoughts from your head, stop dialogue with yourself. Soon your anxiety will go away - you will gain the ability to think soberly and make the right decision.

The golden mean rule

At what point does intuitive foresight turn into fear of the future, fear of change? When we are afraid to take a decisive step, see some enemies around and are always ready to explain our inaction with prompts from above? For example, we need to make an important decision - whether or not to move to another city in which we were offered an interesting job. And immediately the imagination begins to draw scary pictures from life in a foreign land, we begin to list possible obstacles, difficulties that we may face in a new place. And, in the end, we come to the conclusion: "No, I would rather stay at home, on my couch."

Or: over and over again we take, and then return plane tickets, anticipating that the trip will not end well. Or we buy lottery tickets in batches - something tells us that next time we will certainly be lucky. Is it all intuition? Hardly, rather - a manifestation of some traits of our character. For example, indecision, laziness, anxiety, suspiciousness, self-doubt, greed ... To understand what we are dealing with - with the "sixth sense" or our own "troubles", you need honesty in front of yourself, a calm, objective look at yourself and their flaws.

In order to use your intuition, observe the rule of the golden mean. Don't make decisions without listening to your inner voice, but also don't turn your life into an endless, disturbing dialogue with yourself. After all, if intuition - the true voice of our "I" - protects us and leads us forward, then fear - fetters, slows down and does not allow us to move on.