In the modern world, it is not easy to meet a soul mate. But it is much more difficult to maintain and maintain mutual love and respect. You need to show wisdom, patience, endurance.

5 most important rules to keep love in a difficult situation

Maintaining warmth between spouses in love, especially at the beginning of a relationship, does not present any particular difficulties. It is much more difficult to answer the question of how to maintain a reverent attitude towards each other at a time of crisis, when living together seems unbearable.

This is an important stage that can be experienced by listening to what family psychologists advise:

1. Respect your partner. This first rule is of great importance for the preservation of feelings. When there is a quarrel, a serious scandal, it is important to control actions and behavior. Any negative emotion and words spoken in the heat of the moment can break any warm feelings. You need to learn to put yourself in the place of a loved one, try to understand the true reason for your actions. If the partner's decision is unacceptable, you need to calmly discuss the issue, find a compromise without criticism, accusations, reproaches.
2. Don't blackmail. The only thing that can be achieved by this is the cooling of tense relations. If a dispute arose, an ultimatum is a losing argument.
3. Do not fill all the free time of a man. Everyone should have the opportunity to be alone, read a book, work at the computer. It is necessary to feel the mood of a loved one. Freedom is needed to analyze the situation, admit mistakes.
4. Support your partner during especially difficult times in life. To do this, it is enough to say words of support, hug, go for a walk together, serve coffee in bed, make a gift with your own hands.
5. Often women complain that they did not reach heights in their careers because of their spouse, they spent the best years of their youth, they reproach them with children. Most men like smart, self-sufficient wives. It is worth considering that the spouse also feels unhappy next to such an injured victim.

The right way for all situations

There are a number of postulates that help to preserve feelings at any stage of a relationship:

• be able to listen. If you sincerely share your thoughts and feelings with your other half, such an alliance will be long and strong. It is important, in turn, to be able to listen to your partner, no matter how insignificant his feelings may seem.
• be able to trust. Jealousy can be shown when there is strong evidence. You should not control the second half, view correspondence on social networks, messages on the phone, check the numbers listed in the phone book.
• To praise. It is necessary to sincerely and timely praise the partner, emphasize the best qualities, support in case of failure. This will give strength, motivate for further progress.
• keep faithful. If a person is sure that he has met a worthy couple, wants to keep a strong family, there is no point in provoking the jealousy of a partner, succumbing to temptations, exchanging for fleeting flirtations, novels.
• Engage in self-development. A person with whom it is interesting to communicate evokes sympathy, trust, a desire to be together.

How to save love in difficult times

You can overcome the unpleasant period by following simple tips:

• Recognize the existence of a problem. It is not easy to accept the idea of ​​a crack appearing. Many couples break up because they do not want to do something to save the family, they blame, reproach and insult each other. It is important to understand that a crisis is a stage in the development of a family that must be overcome together.
• The main goal is to save the family. It is much easier to leave in a difficult moment. Maintaining a relationship should be the main goal and priority. It will take a lot of effort and time.
• Learn from mistakes. In a difficult moment, you need to think about what to do so that the situation changes for the better. Instead, many couples look for the culprit. In order to maintain, preserve harmony, you need to learn to soberly analyze, draw conclusions, try to understand when, why a problem arose, when a partner starts to cause a feeling of irritation, what to do to fix it.
• Give your husband time to think things through.. The fact is that men and women react differently to the difficulties that have arisen. A woman tends to openly discuss a problematic issue with relatives, friends, colleagues. Men in a stressful situation close up to think about the situation, limit communication. If a beloved husband has become isolated, one should not consider him an insensitive egoist. He will be ready to talk and make a decision after a thorough analysis of the situation.
• Talk to a partner. Two-thirds of divorces could be avoided if people talked to each other, were not afraid to discuss problems, express feelings, emotions. There is an interesting way to help cope with the task. It is recommended to practice it daily. The partner says whatever he wants to the other half for 1 minute. You can talk about the past day, feelings, you can not say anything. The other person should listen carefully at this time, not asking questions, not interrupting. You have exactly 20 minutes to complete the task. Within a few weeks, the couple will be able to feel how much their relationship has improved.

How to keep feelings with a guy at a distance

This will help:

• Daily communication. Modern technology allows you to communicate over long distances. There is a mobile phone, text messages, video communication, e-mail. It is important to talk about joys, victories and anxieties, take photographs of everything that is around, watch your favorite TV programs and films together.
• Words of love. A guy who is far away should know and listen to the words of love, know that his soulmate is waiting for a speedy return. No one forbids sending each other postcards and small gifts for no reason.
• Dreams and plans. Lovers should make plans, think about living together.
• Trust and loyalty. Being at a distance will be easier if the person himself remains faithful and does not control the other half every second. This is the basis for maintaining quivering feelings and respect for each other.
• Pleasant surprises. You can sign up for a gym, lose weight and come to a meeting in a stunning dress. A man will be pleasantly surprised if a girl improves her culinary skills during his absence and prepares a delicious romantic dinner.

Advice! You need to be able to find positive moments in temporary separation: the couple quarrel much less, everyone has a lot of free time that you can do what you love.

How to keep a relationship with a loved one for life

There are a number of secrets that help achieve this goal:

• Do not give up common interests, hobbies, do not allow everyday life to eat up romantic feelings.
• Monitor the appearance of the house, do not wear old dressing gowns and curlers.
• Housekeeping together: shopping, cleaning, cooking.
• Respectfully treat relatives and friends of the second half.
• Make intimate life diverse.

How to keep love in a marriage

To maintain harmony, the warmth of family ties, a positive atmosphere in the house, the following recommendations should be followed:

• Do not be afraid of different views on life, hobbies, interests.
• Do not be shy about intimate desires, try to make sex diverse.
• Treat partner with respect, think about his desires.
• Do not make empty promises for the future. There is no absolute certainty that a person will be able to fulfill what he is talking about.
• Be able to find activities when the husband is away. It should be apart. This will make family life harmonious, fill it with bright colors.
• Fight phobias. Fear will prevent you from revealing feelings, showing love, warmth.
• If a discord has begun in the family, you first need to look for the cause in yourself, and not blame your spouse.

Advice! The guy, on a subconscious level, is looking for a wife resembling his mother as a life partner, and the girl is trying to connect fate with her husband, resembling her father. This is a common mistake that should not be made.

Reasons for the fading of feelings - do not give them a chance

In a situation where love begins to fade, and loved ones become strangers, it is important to understand what was the reason.

The main reasons that can lead to the separation of spouses:

• Mutual reproaches, claims. Family life is impossible without quarrels. Any offensive word can greatly offend a partner. A difficult question will help resolve a calm conversation.
• Treason. This reason can destroy the strongest marriage. You can forgive, but you can't forget betrayal. If the family does not collapse, life together will be accompanied by scandals, trust and confidence in a loved one will disappear.
• Exaggerated demands on a partner, selfishness. If one of the spouses thinks only about himself, does not want to take care, spend energy on another person, then this cannot become the basis for marriage. Such families cannot exist for a long time and are destroyed.

Most divorces are due to the fact that spouses let family life take its course. This is mistake. Maintaining a family requires the daily work of both partners.

Excruciating excitement before each date, a fire of passion and a waterfall of tenderness, magical sex and a constant desire to hold a man's hand 24 hours a day ... Do you think that if this is no longer the case, then love is gone and it's time for you and your partner to say goodbye too? Wrong! In fact, you have just come to the end of the first phase - the "symbiosis" phase. The next step in a relationship is inevitably the phase of distancing. Men distance themselves by resuming meetings with friends or pursuing their hobbies (if they are "kept on a short leash", they can begin to distance themselves in other, much less harmless ways - for example, go into alcoholism or illness). Women do the same, but in other ways - they start quarreling with a partner or refuse sex. Then the real struggle for power in the family begins (and at the same time the establishment of boundaries and rules). The main characteristic of this phase is the desire of both for autonomy and the organization of personal space. Unfortunately, at this stage, some couples choose to end the relationship. Others continue to live together, "increasing" at the same time the internal readiness to leave at any moment. Still others begin to see an adversary in the once beloved person and unleash a domestic war in which there will be no winners. Merging and distancing, dependence and independence, fear of intimacy and intimacy, the possibility of a third person in a relationship and the feelings associated with it - shame and jealousy - each of these phases fits into the natural cycle, each of these phases is needed in order to bring partners to a new relationship level.
What can be done: during a crisis, do not hesitate to defend your point of view, argue and quarrel - this is normal! The main thing - do not use the argument "If you behave like this, then you do not love me!" and do not threaten to leave, even if you are offended and disappointed.

Stay a woman

At the beginning of the novel, both the man and the woman literally blossom, because they feel that they are loved and desired. Each time, communicating with the second half, they receive from her confirmation of their masculinity or femininity. Add to this compliments - both from a partner and others - and it becomes clear why our self-esteem soars to unprecedented heights. However, over time, the ardent delights of the beloved become not so ardent, the passion begins to fade away - as a result, self-esteem suffers. At this point, it is important not to require your partner to recognize his attractiveness (however, you should not beg for his approval either) - this can lead to the exact opposite result.
What can be done: do not "reserve" your attractiveness and sex appeal exclusively for your loved one. "Forcibly" force yourself to use it - flirt, shoot eyes, etc. when you go out to people. The rule is this: the more other men like you, the more attractive you will be to your own husband. A little jealousy in a relationship does not hurt, it's like adding salt to the soup, the main thing is not to oversalt!

Prioritize: first “I”, then “we”

If you perceive yourself more as a half of a whole called “We” (and say “We will come”, “We will think”, etc.), then in this relationship you are a dependent part. The more you are jealous, the more you feel that you cannot live without your loved one, the more your partner feels that he is tied hand and foot, and dreams of getting out of the home “prison” to freedom (and sometimes not only dreams). It can also be the other way around - your partner can't even take a step without you, so you constantly feel like you're being held on a short leash.
What can be done: there is nothing wrong with “I” + “I” turning into “We” from time to time. Another thing is that in order to maintain a relationship, it is necessary that the “dependent” and “free” change roles from time to time. If you feel that you are “stuck” in one of these roles, mentally “rewind” the tape on which your life was “captured” up to the moment when you had a chance to play another role, and remember how it was (even if you received experience in other respects, it will still come in handy). In addition, it makes sense for the “dependent” part to focus on their own autonomy and deal with their desire for freedom, independence. And for the “independent” side to think about how you can convey to the other half a sense of reliability that will reconcile it with your thirst for freedom. In any case, it’s great if, in addition to your husband and mutual friends, you have your own circle of friends (the setting “My husband is my best friend and I don’t need anyone else” is fraught with the loss of the meaning of my own life).

Accept that he still hasn't learned to read your mind.

“If he loves me, then he must guess what I need” - this female attitude, however, as well as the “logical” conclusion drawn from it - “And if he doesn’t guess, it means that he stopped loving me” completely ruined intimate life many couples. A lot of sexual problems arise from the inability to talk about this side of the relationship. With the tacit "consent" of both partners, it is born, and then for years
What can be done: no matter how difficult it is, talk to a man about sex. Just do not get carried away and do not turn your appeal into an accusatory speech. Your task is not to criticize your partner (this will only make it worse), but to tell him what exactly you need, state your desires clearly and intelligibly.

Stop walking on the same rake

Analyze your quarrels with a man. Ask yourself what strategies do you use when sorting out relationships? As a rule, when a couple quarrels, the behavior of partners is always the same (we behave like offended children and unconsciously use the same tricks that our parents used when they quarreled), the scenario is the same, only the content is different. No one else can compare with a loved one in the “art” of making us mad - after all, he knows exactly which sick “button” to press, what words to say, what to reproach (in fairness, we note that you also have a similar secret knowledge ). The development of events is very predictable - we “explode”, and then we are also angry with ourselves because we allowed ourselves to react to the provocation in this way.
What can be done: by and large, with the help of a quarrel, we want to achieve attention from a partner, his love or control over the situation. Take advantage of Eastern wisdom, which says that the best fight is the one that never started. Abandon the usual strategy - do not attack. You don’t need to prove to a man that you are right, just listen to what he wants to tell you (even if you know that he is wrong) and try not only to understand him, but also to feel what he feels.

Switch from thoughts to feelings

Eastern and Western lifestyles are very different from each other. Europeans only do what they think, analyze, plan, organize, etc. And there would be nothing wrong with that if we didn’t forget to switch from the rational wave to the emotional one in moments of intimacy.
What can be done: to learn how to stop the whirlwind of thoughts, at least start breathing correctly, concentrating on what is happening with the body. Be guided by the following principle: deep breathing enhances our feelings, and superficial - the work of the intellect. Do very pleasant things more often.

Remember more often why you chose this particular man

Even if friends and acquaintances consider you the perfect couple, there are days when you willy-nilly ask yourself the question: “What was I thinking when I chose this guy.” At this moment, everything wonderful and bright that was between you imperceptibly fades into the background.
What can be done: turn on your personal “time machine” - go back to the time when you were head over heels in love with this person and remember what bewitched you then? Save this feeling and return to the present!

Love, as you know, is conquered by everyone regardless of age, but is it possible to keep this love at any age, because the freshness of feelings does not increase over the years? The author of [email protected] Polina Tabagari understood the peculiarities of love among those who are “for”.

If someone came up with a formula for preserving love - such, you know, general rules with a guarantee of one hundred percent continuation of a romantic feeling or a magic pill with a long-term effect, then there would be no more broken hearts, disappointments, tears and unbearable heartache. However, as you know, there is no such medicine, which may be for the better. Otherwise, this bright feeling itself would depreciate, we would take it for granted and would not feel fully, truly alive without love.

The term of the relationship, of course, in itself will not make your feeling viable, this criterion is rather conditional. But each age has its own characteristics, and they are significant. While the best minds of mankind have been struggling for centuries over the mysteries of this inexplicably arising feeling, let us turn to the people's love experience. Recipes for happiness are easy to use, affordable and effective. There are no contraindications, no side effects. Application can be started with the appearance of the first signs of cooling, addiction, during periods of stagnation and crises.

Young but not green

At twenty, emotions go wild, feelings are at the limit, passions are boiling. There are many men, and they all seem to be good, but the choice is made in favor of one and only, and it seems that it will always be like this. Fight prejudice "love lives for three years"! Who loves will not change! We are sure that we will definitely cope, everything will be different for us: the routine will not touch, sex will not become boring, habit and boredom will bypass. Here, love is weak and fragile: there are too many pitfalls, too many temptations around. And it is trials that help maintain and strengthen relationships: the experience of motherhood and fatherhood, the first steps on the career ladder, ups and downs, small personal victories. Overcoming difficulties tempers the couple and helps to take a fresh look at the partner.

Ekaterina, 25 years old:“Sincerity, honesty, a lot of patience, the ability to compromise, not to try to remake, but to try to supplement - I think this is what unites. The presence of common interests, respect for the needs of the other, and good trusting partnerships built on love are also important. It is important not to interfere with the development of each other, and much more. Renew itself, renew his feelings anew, create harmony and a comfortable environment.

Natalia, 24 years old:“You need to love, as in childhood. Fool around together and generally spend as much time together as possible. And always be honest. We have our own little rituals: he makes coffee every morning, for example, and I make pancakes on Saturdays. And we also talk about how much we love each other. At least 50 times a day.

mature love

Questions "why do you love me?" and “how to become happy in love?” in youth they do not ask themselves or their loved ones. The girlish logic is simple: if this is for real, then not for something specific, but just like that, and nothing needs to be done. At thirty, we ourselves are puzzled: “why am I with this person, for what qualities I love, appreciate and respect.” It's time for a real outlook on life, a period of conscious love and honest answers to painful questions. It’s not so scary to take off your rose-colored glasses and put them away. It becomes clear that in marriage and relationships you need to make compromises, sometimes with conscience, not to idealize a partner, but to accept him. The love of thirty-year-olds is the love of two mature, formed personalities who look in the same direction, but at the same time each protects a piece of personal space.

The problem is that it seems that everything has long been studied in each other. Reactions are predictable, tastes and preferences are perfectly familiar - in general, you are fully confident that you know him well. Feelings may seem to fade. In fact, you only got acquainted with a set of natural and habitual reactions. You will have to push the usual boundaries, ask questions more often, rediscover yourself and your partner, develop and improve. Living with interest, being open to the world and your man are proven ways to keep love.

Oksana, 36 years old:“Love is fueled only by reciprocity, concessions and patience. Sometimes you want to relax and stop looking after yourself, for example. But if you stop liking yourself, then your husband will not like you either. And it's not that rivals will appear, just why then be together?

45 - all over again

The age of forty is a period of danger. The relationship is already serious. A man is threatened by a midlife crisis, which often forces him to seek confirmation of his viability from young fans. Women also do not stand aside, are fond of young gentlemen or simply let everything take its course. In such circumstances, with thoughts of impending old age, it can be difficult to maintain optimism and good mood, not to mention love. The task is difficult, but solvable. Here are some ready-made formulas for family happiness.

“To be a bright personality so that the husband can be proud,” advises Veronika with a family experience of 26 years. Many women over 40 turn into grumpy half-old women. I, on the contrary, now look more attractive than 20 years ago. For a husband, this is a reason for pride. When we gather in a large company or go out into the world, he sees the interested looks, the admiration of the surrounding men and the envy of their companions. Compares and understands how lucky he is. Therefore, he appreciates such a woman.

Hope, 49 years old: « Understandably, feelings tend to fade with age. It is impossible to keep the fire of love at the maximum, the firewood will run out, the forces will quickly leave. Therefore, one should be more calm about the fact that stormy emotions are being replaced by stability, a sense of comfort and security next to the chosen one. We need to look for more common ground, especially when children have grown up and do not need every minute attention. These can be common interests, trips to friends and a cultural and entertainment program, and someone decides to have another child. The main thing is to remain partners for each other, and not to move into the stage of brother-sister relations, to live according to the principles of friends-neighbors.

Another thought from a very wise woman, my mother: « Probably, again, everything is simple to the point of banality - to surprise, grow and allow the other to develop, be sincere with a partner, listen and hear, talk and have a dialogue, trust, forgive, compromise, respect the interests of a partner and each other, appreciate the little things. And many more pleasant verbs in the spirit of "how to." In practice, everything is more difficult. But you need to make an effort on yourself and love the one who is near, a little more than yourself.

Only troubles happen by themselves, everything else has to be worked on. For everything good in life you need to fight, but for your love with full dedication. Crises in love are no exception. I believe in love, I believe in its power, the ability to regenerate at any age. So how to save and what is needed for this? Firstly, a great desire to support, cherish and cherish this love, protect it from lies and infidelity. Second, take action. To change and not stop the painstaking work of caring for such a sensitive being as love, not for a minute. This is everyday (hard, to be cunning, sometimes you want to take a break from everything, run away) work, but it gives an amazing effect. Thirdly, more often show their feminine qualities - wisdom, patience, meekness. Now you are not “me and he”, you are “we are together”, this is the plural, and not the only two nearby, this must also be remembered.

Probably, everyone heard the phrase of F. Begbeder: “A mosquito has a century - one day, a rose has three. A cat has thirteen years, love has three years. And you won't write anything. First, a year of passion, then a year of tenderness, and, finally, a year of boredom. Indeed, over time, the feelings of lovers lose their former thrill, become commonplace, and sometimes change to negative ones. Why is this happening and how to save love? Can it be done at all? Let's figure it out.

What is love?

Each person has their own idea of ​​love. Someone calls an all-consuming passion love, others call it the impossibility to live without a lover and a day, others call it a desire to take care and protect their chosen one. There is love-mania, and there is a mother's love for children, love for God. A person can experience the whole range of feelings, but without the following factors, a love relationship is impossible:

Of course, this characterization of love does not end there. For the majority, the desired (or obligatory) attribute of a relationship is: tolerance and acceptance of each other's shortcomings, the desire to give, respect, understanding, common interests, the ability to support in difficult times. To have such a close, beloved person is a real happiness.

What destroys feelings?

Unfortunately, nothing lasts forever, not even love. About feelings that are not subject to time and blows of fate, you can only read in books. Even the strongest love can be destroyed by everyday life, difficult financial situation, distance, disability of a partner, etc. Everyone has their own reason. However, psychologists identify 10 factors that can destroy love feelings very quickly:

• dissatisfaction with a partner and oneself, rejection, desire to re-educate;
• inability to agree, hushing up problems and grievances;
• indifference, inattention to a partner;
• inability to forgive, accumulation of negative emotions;
• pathological jealousy;
• insincerity, lies;
• mistrust;
• nit-picking, frequent conflicts over trifles;
• public showdown;
• material, domestic difficulties, illnesses and other blows of fate

Serious feelings do not disappear in one moment. Almost any problem in a relationship can be solved if you know how to keep love. The main thing is to prevent a point of no return, when the partner completely cools down and becomes disappointed in you.

love in a relationship

The relationship between a guy and a girl, the feelings between them, are significantly different from love in marriage. Here there are problems and difficulties. Most often, young couples complain about unsuitable friends, the difference in aspirations and views, frivolity, infidelity, lack of external attractive qualities. When problems arise in a relationship, young people often behave infantilely - they speak out sharply, manipulate and in every possible way lead to the reaction of their partner.

For some reason, it seems to many that when they get married, the problems will disappear by themselves or the beloved will not go anywhere. But starting a family only exacerbates the problem. Hence the sad statistics on divorce - more than 50%.

To keep love in a relationship, it is important to understand that they must develop. The meeting period is the time to get to know the partner, learn to negotiate with him, to accept. The logical conclusion of the relationship is marriage. In order not to destroy, but to preserve love by this moment, one should:

• make a commitment to be faithful, honest, considerate to your partner;
• express your love not only in words, but also in deeds;
• trust a partner more than others;
• spend time together with interest and benefit, develop;
• be restrained, resolve conflicts calmly;
• criticize rarely and exclusively constructively;
• support in difficult situations;
• strive for independence, not to depend on the parental family.

It is important to understand that two people must work on relationships. Love can only be saved by working together.

love in marriage

Having entered into marriage, a couple in a few years can greatly cool off towards each other. You get used to everything good quickly. What initially excited and aroused admiration becomes commonplace. Often, spouses turn into cohabitants, who are connected only by a joint life. Some are thrown apart by the birth of a child. It would seem a happy event, but in fact it is still a test for the family. And what if suddenly someone is left without a job? In short, problems in marriage are through the roof.

Is it possible to keep love in a marriage? Of course. Only at the same time it is important to understand that feelings will no longer be as hot as at first. Love in marriage is calmer, deeper. After ten years, the spouses become not only friends and lovers, but also relatives. To maintain good family relationships and carry your feelings through the years, you need to heed the following tips:

Love in the distance

“Parting weakens petty passions and intensifies large ones, just as the wind blows out candles and fanned the flame” F. La Rochefoucauld

Long-distance relationships are a real torment for hearts in love. Intimate touches, hugs, glances, sex are very important for a couple. This will not be replaced by frequent phone calls or video calls. In separation, lovers often have distrust, anxiety that the partner wants to build a new relationship with someone else, or simply weans and his feelings fade away.

Love of a man and a woman

“When a man marries, he hopes that his wife will remain the same, and a woman expects her chosen one to become different.” J. Gray

The famous American writer, psychotherapist, John Gray, who published a whole series of books "Venus and Mars", insists that a man and a woman are fundamentally different creatures. What is important for a man is secondary for a woman, and vice versa. When we enter into a relationship, we often judge by ourselves. But is it right?

As practice shows, it is necessary to keep the love of a man and a woman in different ways. In order for a relationship or marriage to be happy, it is important to consider important differences between the sexes:

• she needs care - he needs trust;
• she needs understanding - he needs acceptance;
• respect is more important to her - gratitude to him;
• she appreciates devotion more - he is admiration;
• she needs recognition - he needs approval;
• she needs a reinforcement of confidence - he is encouraged;
• it is closer to distribute and accept - it is closer for him to extract and conquer;
• she wants to direct his thoughts and desires - he makes decisions;
• she needs actions for her sake - he needs to act;
• she needs to make plans, dream - he will bring them to life, creating his own unique world;
• she wants to feel belonging to a man - he owns a woman;
• it is like a vessel - it is energy, strength, information that fills it;
• she gives form - he fills it;
• it is more important for her to interact with children and the house - for him with the outside world;
• she wants to feel confident in the future - he will realize his abilities;
• it is important for her to feel the only, beloved, desired - he is richer, more talented, stronger than everyone else;
• spiritual and personal development is closer to her - the generation of fantasies, games, plans is closer to her.

Irina, Irkutsk