Due to stress, health problems, dissatisfaction with life, we sometimes become aggressive... Then it becomes clear: "We need a vacation!" But what if you can't take it? - Relax in the hands of a masseur? .. Count to ten? .. Oddly enough, banal proper nutrition reduces the risk of becoming aggressive... But how to behave yourself with those whose adrenaline has already leaped in their blood? In this article, we will share the rules that should be followed when faced with aggression.

Why are we aggressive

"A dog is biting only from the life of a dog ..." - sang the heroes of the famous cartoon. So it is - a person is not born either aggressivenor spiteful. This is what the environment makes him, such, not coping with this difficult life, he often makes himself.

Let's try to figure it out in more detail. Here is one of the definitions: “ Aggression - motivated destructive behavior, contrary to the norms of coexistence of people, harming targets of attack, causing physical harm to people or causing them psychological discomfort ”. In other words, aggression destroys the host itself and the world around it. Why, despite the sad consequences, is there so much of it around us today?

What makes us aggressive?

The society in which we live is like a bus packed with passengers and rushing along an endless road to an unknown destination. That is, the goal of everyone inside, of course, has its own, but fellow travelers are forced to move towards it along one road and in one vehicle. And they go, taking seats of varying comfort: someone is lounging on the soft bed of the second floor of this hypothetical bus, someone is leaning back in a comfortable chair, someone is sitting on hard but durable chairs, and someone is standing holding onto the handrails , and already very tired. There are some who lie side by side on the cold floor in the aisle. And the bus keeps picking up speed. At the same time, the road on which he moves is different in quality and relief - bumps, sharp turns, ups and downs. That does not add peace and convenience to passengers.

If we leave the allegory, then to a large extent the models of behavior are dictated to us by life itself. Its rhythm is so impetuous that people do not have enough time to stop and think. The competition for seats on at least durable chairs, not to mention comfortable seats in that bus is very high, and there are much more contenders around than comfortable “seats in the sun”. And then many begin to resolutely and harshly wield their elbows, taking out the accumulated fatigue, jealousy, fear, greed and envy on fellow travelers, neighbors in life, at the same time trying to take away what the other got by accident, as they think, and not justly.

The reasons are to be found in childhood. Harsh parents, lack of love and positive emotions, especially under the age of five, authoritarianism in the family and in small groups such kindergarten and the child's yard environment does not leave him a choice - he can assert himself only with the help aggressive action. Also stable aggressiveness is a consequence of the unfavorable conditions of personal formation and identification of oneself as a member of society. The lower the level of human development, the more aggression he manifests in relation to those whom he identifies as "undeservedly standing higher" - this is a clear example of envy.

Aggressive people adapt to the world around them, trying to impose their dominance on others and forcing the oncoming ones to give way - this is how self-doubt and fear of being pushed aside from any goods, spiritual or material, are manifested.

Adrenaline stimulant and destroyer

Experts - psychologists and neurologists - argue that a constant feeling of anxiety and fear provoke the development of cardiovascular diseases with high risk early heart attacks and strokes. A person who envies others has a two and a half times faster chance of getting a heart attack than someone who reacts calmly or happily to the success of others. Jealousy significantly increases the imbalance of hormones in the human body, and self-doubt and self-depreciation, which are also one of the main causes of aggressive behavior - the likelihood of oncological diseases... A greedy and domineering person is more likely than others to have serious problems with the digestive tract - up to bulimia or anorexia, which carry a serious threat to health.

Any aggressive-minded person is constantly under stress. He is tense, he sees enemies in almost everyone and is ready to attack and defend even where it is absolutely not required, and therefore the level of stress hormones - adrenaline, cortisone, norepinephrine, thyroxine - remains at a consistently high level and imperceptibly destroys the "aggressor" organism.

Adrenaline is a powerful hormone, under its influence muscles tense, preparing to "fight or run." It raises blood pressure and heart rate, and slows down digestion as blood flows from the stomach and intestines to the muscles. If the stress is short-lived, then the adrenaline rush is useful, but with constant stress, excess hormones enter the body continuously - after all, the bearer of aggressiveness has lived for years in anger for the whole world.

The feeling of one's own insignificance, fear and anger - these are the feelings that accompany the unfortunate person every day. High levels of adrenaline, which do not decrease for a long time, cause high blood pressure and increased heart rate to become common. And for the body, this is extremely harmful: the sugar content in the blood increases, blood clotting increases, which leads to thrombosis, the load on thyroid gland, more cholesterol is produced. Long-term exposure to all these factors literally kills.

Tell me what you eat ...

Not so long ago, American scientists found out that in addition to psychological and moral factors, aggressiveness in a person can also be increased by some food products. For example, trans fats (surrogate oils) found in mayonnaise, margarine, french fries, chips, ketchup, popcorn, cakes, cakes, waffles, donuts, crackers, in semi-finished products fried in breadcrumbs, in ice cream, in concentrated broths, in dry soups.

Having studied 1,300 volunteers, half of whom were stuffed with "harmful" foods, scientists found that trans fats can indeed cause changes in behavior, making people unnecessarily irritable. The participants in the experiment, who consumed trans fats, experienced emotions of different intensity - from ordinary impatience to real unmotivated aggression.

Many also believe that people who eat meat are more aggressive than those who eat only plant foods. The controversy surrounding meat-eating and vegetarianism has not subsided for years, but it is foolish to think that if we do not use meat for food, we will become less aggressive and more moral. Our aggressiveness has much deeper roots than it might seem at first glance. By being aggressive and by adopting vegetarianism, a person who is deprived of habitual and satisfying food is likely to become even more aggressive than before.

How to deal with an aggressive person?

Before in all, the correct internal installation is important. Don't let yourself think, "How dare he talk to me like that?" - these thoughts just will not allow you to hear the interlocutor. Instead, tell yourself to stay calm and reassure yourself that you can handle the situation.

Use correct body language. Stay straight and as open as possible, telling yourself: "I am absolutely calm, I am in control of the situation and I can resolve this problem." Breathe deeply. Maintain eye contact and subtly lean towards it. If possible, you should also imitate his body language, but if he waves his fists in front of your face, then you probably should not imitate him. It's just that if a person is talking while standing, you should also stand, and if he is sitting, sit down too.

Now you need to listen carefully to what you are told. In a state of anger, rarely does anyone manage to express their thoughts clearly. An angry person needs to let off steam first. Give him this opportunity and do not interrupt. Let him speak out completely. He still will not hear any of your arguments until he cools down. Start asking questions only when he expresses everything that is boiling inside him. Your voice should sound confident, that is, be even and restrained: do not shout or babble.

Do not give in to him by a millimeter: He knows exactly what effect his behavior has on people and is used to winning a victory by sowing fear. Remain calm and the attack will be thwarted. There is no need to be indignant and, moreover, to make excuses. Try to translate the conversation into a more concrete, down-to-earth and logical one.

Give your aggressive interlocutor time to calm down and force him to justify his behavior.

Look for ways to discharge. An aggressive person is pleased to be in opposition. By abandoning the confrontation and agreeing with his position, you will lead him to confusion.

Don't let the person gain a foothold in their opinion.if it is wrong. Direct him to the correct understanding of the situation persistently, calmly and gently.

If he still refuses to change his behavior and continues to shout and scandal, you should put your condition, for example: "If you do not stop talking to me in a raised voice, I will ask you to leave."

In general, people react differently to stressors and perceive the same problems: that which unbalances one person, the other will not even notice. There is nothing surprising in this - we are different. And instead of telling a person: “I don’t understand why it made you so angry and upset, this is a mere trifle!”, Try to understand and accept the fact that each of us is unique. And then you can easily cope with the aggression of anyone traveling through life on the same bus as you.

If your own anger and aggression interfere with your life, it's time to learn to cope with them. Even such unseemly feelings can be easily made your allies.

Do you need to extinguish anger inside yourself?

Before we start talking about how to deal with anger, let’s point out that it’s unsafe. On the other hand, aggressive behavior is condemned by society. Moreover, it is potentially dangerous for you and those around you.

Only the most "enlightened minds" can not feel anger and aggression at all.

For others, the occurrence of these feelings is quite natural. After all, one cannot always be satisfied with everything. But there is a very subtle point here. The fact is that not everyone can understand the difference between the occurrence of adverse emotions and their expression. Some people are often angry and resentful, but they do not spill anything out, keeping the anger inside them.

Will the storm of anger and anger subside within?

That is unlikely. There is a greater chance that the accumulated feelings will suddenly burst out in a stormy stream. The most defenseless and close ones can suffer. You shouldn't lead a double life. It's best to understand where anger comes from and how to deal with it effectively.

Where does anger come from?

The "birthplace" of anger and anger. When you find out where anger really comes from and why it appears, you may be surprised. The fact is that this feeling is born within us for our own benefit. It should be a friend and advisor, which should not be ignored.

At this stage, you need to understand the definitions.

• Aggression means the expression of a person's state of mind through actions, his external reaction to the state inside.
• Anger is understood as feelings, sensations, experienced emotions that are born within us.

Any behavioral response can be confidently considered an attempt at communication. An opportunity to influence the world, to communicate with it. This is a way of getting what we want and passing ours on to others. And also one of the ways to defend and build your own boundaries. “You cannot communicate and act like that with me”, “I don’t want that”, “you can do that with me”.

Aggression is a really powerful communication tool, with the help of which a person conveys his opinion to others.

Naturally, this instrument cannot be called the most pleasant and approved in society. However, despite this, it still remains an instrument of interaction. And if you want to change it, improve it, then you need to think not about how to cope with anger, but about how to find a new tool for expressing your own feelings, change the way you communicate with the world.

Before such a search and development, one more important thing must be done. Namely, to understand how to get rid of the anger inside yourself, which has ALREADY accumulated. Otherwise, the stream of unfavorable emotions will simply overwhelm you, and, figuratively speaking, you will drown in it.

We get rid of accumulated negative emotions

First, understand what you are angry about and how to deal with negative feelings. Bad emotions are not born overnight. They are a direct response to the behavior of people or situations.

The first stage, preceding the meeting with the stimulus object, is usually the building of certain expectations. Moreover, such expectations are quite definite and accurate. We already feel that we only have to experience, receiving a response from the world. And if our expectations turn out to be deceived, not those that we anticipated, then we are upset. Sometimes, in a different mood, in different situations and circumstances, this course of things may not affect us, we can remain satisfied. But in our thoughts a certain record has already “played”. This means that the plan that did not work is akin to the toy that was just taken away from the child.

We are faced with our own discontent, from which anger is born.

The tension can grow to irritation and then to anger. And all because instead of contemplating reality, we work with a developed plan, with attitudes and templates that we have written ourselves into. Whereas reality may turn out to be more convenient and correct at the moment. Learn to drop what has not happened and live in the present.

Yes, the circumstances are different, including unprofitable and unpleasant. However, the ability to see reality allows you not to feel anger and aggression, but to understand how to act correctly in the current real situation.

Practical instructions for dealing with anger

There are some tips to help you solve the problem without turning anger into open aggression, without undermining your mental state and not causing the negative consequences of being too emotional:

• be aware, acknowledge, look - do not try to hide unfavorable emotions and feelings within yourself and even from yourself;
• to build a correct internal dialogue, allow anger to be present in your life;
• think about your true needs, try to feel them. You will receive the key to happiness, anger will help you, not annoy you.

Remember the main thing: anger is your guide.

Such an emotional reaction to what is happening speaks of an internal conflict, of factors that do not suit you, which means it helps to choose other options for the development of events.

How to get rid of ingrained anger?

The most difficult part is usually getting rid of the anger that has already accumulated. Its huge mass MUST be released outside. However, one should not be afraid of a global catastrophe accompanying such a "cleansing". Just take care to create an environment in which you can feel completely safe. An excellent solution would be.

As a result, you will learn how to use your own feelings to normalize your personal state and relationships with others, preventing anger from escalating into aggression towards other people.

You will stop muffling and fearing your emotions and sensations, you will be able to hear and know about them, using them not against yourself, but even turning them into your allies.

Aerobatics will be the ability to live without anger or with a minimum of its manifestations, quite acceptable. This will happen due to the satisfaction of your own needs - you no longer want to use anger as a tool for communication with the outside world. Moreover, to pour out inner anger into aggression.

Imagine a situation: two drivers are in a traffic jam, each in his own car. Another car passes by on the side of the line, bypassing the queue, and then tries to get into the very beginning, right in front of our heroes. The reaction of the drivers is different: the first one got very angry, swore loudly out the window and did not let him get through. A skirmish ensued. The second driver shrugged and turned away. Why did it happen? Why were there completely different reactions to the same situation?

The answer is really simple: each of the drivers assessed the situation differently. Assuming what exactly they thought, then most likely the first driver thought something like “What an impudent fellow! Why should I stand and he shouldn't? He has to stand and wait, like everyone else! This is not fair! Now I will show him how to behave! " The second driver probably thought something like "Let him climb, it doesn't matter to me."

Expectations are at the core of anger, anger, rage, and irritation. We expect other drivers to behave honestly and according to the rules. We hope that the authorities treat us fairly. We require ourselves to go in for sports twice a week. When this does not happen, the drivers do not drive according to the rules, the bosses criticize unfairly, we once again did not go to the gym - we get angry, annoyed and angry. We can say that we have certain rules regarding "duty": someone has to do something. When such a rule is violated, we become angry to one degree or another. The more important this rule was for us, the more it is associated with something individually valuable, the stronger the fit of anger can be. The easiest way to notice these "must" in relation to other people: "He has no right to do this!" or "Children should behave normally!"

Attitudes towards anger and its causes

It is worth noting that people have different attitudes towards anger and how it is expressed. Attitude is influenced by:

• education;
• the cultural environment where the person grew up;
• life experience;
• after all, books read in childhood and much more.

For example, we can learn that anger is wrong and wrong and should be suppressed. If we imagine anger in the form of a tightly closed kettle of boiling water, then it is easy to understand how it happens that anger at some point breaks out in the form of intense, exciting, strong feelings. After all, when the kettle is on the stove and heats up, heats up, heats up, the water slowly boils, but there is still little steam, and it still accumulates inside. The water continues to warm up and eventually boils. The couple becomes very much, he is looking for a way out - and he will definitely find it. If you close it very tightly, then the steam can break the lid and even blow up the entire kettle. So it is with anger. If you don't let him go out, sooner or later he will blow up the kettle. From the outside, for other people it will look like an unexpected, violent outburst of emotions "from scratch."

It happens that people are convinced that you can get angry if your feelings are justly hurt - in addition, it is permissible to punish the offender if you are able to do it. Such beliefs, combined with the emotion boiling inside, push you to destructive behavior - aggression. Aggression means not only a physical attack, but also a verbal one: swearing, calling names, raising your voice. There are also hidden forms of aggression, for example, deliberate passivity or sarcastic comments.

Anger, like any other emotion, positive or negative, is not good or bad. It simply arises in response to how we assess the situation. Anger problems occur when it occurs too often, too intensely, and disrupts daily life and relationships. We boil water in a saucepan or kettle several times a day, letting the steam out and controlling the heat cut off, and this is completely normal. But if the kettle boiled suddenly, by itself, and so hard that it would immediately explode - that would be a problem. Or if a boiling kettle pounced on those present, and strive to pour boiling water over everyone.

If you find yourself experiencing regular or intense outbursts of anger and want to deal with them, then the following exercise is likely to come in handy. Note that you may not be able to do it during the anger attack itself, because a strong emotion blocks thinking. You need to choose a time when you are more or less calm, no one will distract you. In the next critical situation, you will recall the most important of this exercise. Especially if you practice several times. Exercises like these are like playing the guitar: if you just think about playing the guitar, you will never learn how to do it. To play, you really need to pick up the instrument and start plucking the strings.

Step one: realize that there is a choice

Anger encourages aggression. We are not always in control of an emotion, but what we do is we are in control. Consider what the consequences of the aggression will be? Do you really want such consequences? Are they leading you in the right direction? Will your relationship with the person make it better? If not aggression, then how to behave differently in order to protect your interests?

Step two: find the rule

Find the "must" rule that has been broken. Words like “must, must, need, must, should” will help you find it. What exactly went wrong? Who is behaving differently in your mind? What do you demand - from yourself, from another person, from the world? Let's call the discovered “hot thoughts”.

Step three: cool your thoughts

Respond to the heated thoughts of anger you found in the previous step in a more measured, healthy, cold manner. For instance:

• Hot thought: How is he dares to say that to me! He not has the right so with contact me!
• A more balanced thought: Perhaps he thinks it will be better this way. Maybe he makes a mistake, he also a man, but not robot.

Step four: prevent aggression

Consider what exactly turns thoughts into violent behavior. Look for explanations that allow you to be aggressive or justify it. For example: "He deserved it" or "Otherwise she will never understand", or "I don't care anymore, I'm mad." Such thoughts are like scammers who trick us into doing something that we may later regret. They do not act in our interests, on the contrary, they push us to abandon moral principles - and put on a show of threats, accusations, shouts or even a physical attack. Remind yourself what your payback will be if you follow the lead of these scammers. Is this what you really want?

Step five: calm the body

Learn to calm your physiology. Anger makes our heart beat, muscles tighten, pressure builds, breathing quickens. It is an ancient automatic mechanism that helps prepare the body for fight or flight. To calm down, you need to give the opposite "command": deliberately relax the muscle groups that are tense, or slow down your breathing. After a few minutes, everything will gradually disappear.

Laughter, love, joy, kindness ... Aggression is one of human emotions, only with a negative meaning. Each of the manifestations of the human psyche is given to us by nature, but every sane person should understand how unpleasant and even dangerous this emotion is for others, and for this reason, try to restrain it. If this is not done, the negative will grow like a snowball, and it is extremely problematic to get out of this state.

Causes of aggression

You need to understand that absolutely every person can be subject to aggression. But someone can restrain their emotions so as not to splash negative on the heads of those around them, and someone cannot or even does not want to cope with this negative.

A person in a fit of aggression experiences a deterioration of not only mental, but also physical condition. His pulse and palpitations become more frequent, tingling sensations in the neck and shoulders are possible. In this state, the "aggressor" is capable of doing a lot of stupid things, which he will later regret, offend, or even hit someone who turns up inappropriately under the arm.

Often people cannot even understand why they have so much anger towards others. To suppress aggression, you first need to find out the reasons for its occurrence, to find the origins.

There are many reasons that can lead to the emergence of negative emotions.

The causes of aggression can be:

1. Hormonal changes in the body due to various diseases, as well as a lack of essential substances.
2. Hunger. Women who follow a weight loss system very often vent their irritation on others.
3. Constant stress, depression, overwork.
4. Short-term extraneous stimuli. Suffice it to recall the expression: "I got up on the wrong foot."
5. Heavy labor activity... This is especially true for women who are overworked at work, and yet there is still a lot of work to do at home. Lack of time, lack of sleep, as a rule, lead to an increase in irritation, which, sooner or later, will result in an outbreak of aggression.
6. You can get negative emotions in the course of an argument, if you failed to prove your point of view.
7. Depression and, as a result, an aggressive state can arise from unfulfilled plans, overestimated expectations. For example, a person was counting on a promotion, but did not get it, or a woman planned to lose 15 kilograms during a diet, but got rid of only 6 kg.

By the way, it is believed that aggression is the oldest instinct that promotes survival.

Types of display of aggression

The key to a successful fight against aggression is to determine not only the reasons for its appearance, but also the types:

1. Verbal - direct aggression that does not involve physical impact. May be due to bad mood, bad day. As a rule, the "aggressor" breaks down on the person who is nearby, turning to shouting and gesticulating sharply.
2. Hostile aggression, expressed in the intention of a person to inflict physical harm on another, to accompany rude words not only with gestures, but also with a blow.
3. Instrumental is expressed in the intention of a person to throw out his anger not by physical impact on another person, but by imitation of this action with the help of, for example, a punching bag. it good view aggression and is aimed at the desire to learn how to manage your emotions, not to let other people suffer from them.
4. Unmotivated. The person cannot explain the reason for the bad mood. It can be both direct and hidden, when the symptoms are carefully hidden from others.
5. Straight. In this case, the "aggressor" does not intend to hide the bad mood and directly makes it clear to the chosen object that he does not like it.
6. Indirect. A person in a state of this type of aggression may often not understand that he is experiencing aggression towards the subject. An example is the feeling of envy.

It would seem that it is so easy to learn adequate behavior, to perceive external factors correctly, not to let the negative exit. However, all this needs to be learned.

What to do if everything annoys you:

• Don't be provoked.
• Do not respond with anger to bullying and unkind attacks.
• Analyze the situation, it is quite possible that you are making an elephant out of a fly.
• Don't fall into the traps you set. For example, if you are a victim of defamation, do not waste time making excuses. Time will put everything in its place.

Now you know how to deal with aggressive behavior. The most important thing is not to let the situation take its course and try to solve it.

Video: how to get rid of aggression with yoga

Aggression is not necessarily war and tanks. Much more often it is a constant dull discontent with this and that, which breaks out in sudden, almost unmotivated outbursts.

If you happen to “growl” at a partner or a child, if “these hens from work have already got you with their stupid jokes”, if too slow sellers annoy you, - in a word, if you are familiar with aggression firsthand, this article is for you ...

The words about a drop that overflowed the cup of patience are of course true, but not yet the whole story. First, you need to figure out what aggression is and what it is for.

Protection, jealousy and love: why is aggression necessary?

(based on the book by L. Konrad "Aggression")

The fact is that every living creature needs a certain size of territory for life and food. If another bear appears within the boundaries of the bear's possession, they will have to divide the territory. If there is too little room for two, they will fight. This is how aggression relieves us of overpopulation.

And what about reproduction and love, you ask? If we are inevitably aggressive in the presence of another individual, how then does a person in a family get along with a person, and a bear with a bear? Aggression does not disappear anywhere. It is redirected and ... amplified.

It is for this reason that the bear, usually not very aggressive, will selflessly protect the bear. Aggression towards a stranger is complemented by redirected aggression towards a bear cub - it will be hard for those who meet mommy at a platoon.

In the apt and poetic expression of the scientist Monica Mayer-Holzapfel, a partner in love or friendship is "an animal equivalent to a house." This is where the aggression-jealousy originates: the fingal under the wife's eye for other individuals is the same Great Wall of China.

Let's summarize.

1. Aggression is normal.

2. It increases in case of overcrowding (too close contact with a large number of people).

3. It is useless to "clamp" and hide aggression. Aggression needs a way out, and it will find it.

4. You can make aggression safe by redirecting it.

And what to do? (practical guide)

Earthing

Aggression increases due to overcrowding, and nothing can be done about it. Or not? The most severe fatigue is usually transport.

What to do? Try leaving your home 15 minutes early. Agree to shift the work schedule by half an hour. Get to work not by public transport, but by car. Move, in the end, closer to work, school or favorite grandchildren - you are not a tree.

If your aggression has other causes, try grounding it. The easiest and most affordable way to "ground" is any contact with nature. Even a fifteen-minute walk at lunchtime or a walking stop will make you calmer and happier.

Sometimes a “domesticated” nature is enough - dogs, cats, transplanting and watering indoor plants... Fire and water help to remove negativity and cope with aggression. Take the proverbial candlelit bubble bath and see how true this statement is.

Discharge

No matter how well grounding works, aggression needs to be released. You can make aggression safe by redirecting it.

The easiest way to redirect is to hit the pear and throw the darts. Sports are much more effective.Sports tournaments were invented as a civilized substitute for a fight. Sports, and especially team games, allow you to release and curb the ancient demon of aggression.

Any other games, even harmless board games, are also the first assistant for those who want to cope with aggression: games in a non-traumatic way simulate more serious situations and help to cope with them.

Along with sports good sex discharges aggression. Try something new, add a bit of intelligence and talent to your experiments, and the transformed impulse of aggression will become a source of joy for you and your partner.

The great healer - laughter will also help to cope with aggression. Watch a couple of videos with George Carlin, read detective Ioanna Khmelevskaya

Another helper of a tired and muzzled person is art. If you don't know how to paint watercolors, make a funny sandwich. Cook compote, imagining that it is a magic potion, like in the cartoon about Asterix and Obelix, which will give you strength. Blind, cut, sew, tie, glue, write whatever your heart desires and enjoy it - aggression will melt into it without a trace.

The transformation of aggression is actually a very interesting activity. Treat aggression the way it deserves - as an additional resource, a reserve of strength that you will definitely learn to manage.